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Spiritual Health

HEADCASE: The Difference Between My “Spirit Talking” and My “Head Talking”

HEAD CASE

I am a HEAD CASE.

“You’re in your head a lot.”  This is what my friend Erin tells me all the time.  She quickly follows it up with, “Don’t get me wrong.  It takes one to know one!”

It’s true, I can get trapped in my “own head” a lot.  I love that I am able to critically think and analyze something until I fully comprehend what I should do or how I can teach it.   However, when it comes to “self-talk” and even my relationships with others, it can be my greatest downfall.

If I stay too long in my head, it prevents me from acting and doing the things I know God wants me to do. It delays me and distracts me from my Greater Purpose pathway and the peace that He can give me when I dwell with Him in the Spirit.

When it comes to our health, our MINDS make all the difference.  Our thoughts cannot be trusted to tell us the truth, but our Spirit can.  Our Spirit is our inner “knowing,” or divine intuition that leads us in the direction we should go, even when it doesn’t logically make sense.

When we are in tune with our Spirit, we can learn to trust it as our guide.

Paul encourages us in Ephesians 6:18 to, “Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion.  Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers.”

The problem is, how can we tell, then, when we are in Our Spirit versus when we are in Our Head?  How can you understand your own intuition versus your regular thought life?

I don’t think I recognized my own Spiritual voice in my head until I was being tempted beyond my normal “head case” ways.

*******

I remember, I was angry with my husband for something.  I honestly  have no idea what it was for on this occasion, because,  let’s face it, husbands can do this to us ALL THE TIME, or at least mine does!

But my anger was manifesting itself in the worst ways— ways that I think we can all relate to.

I was playing the “worst case scenario”  in my head.   I was worrying and over-analyzing and OBSESSIVELY role playing what I was going to say to him when I saw him.  I overwhelmingly felt like I was the victim of some great marriage tragedy, which, since I CAN’T remember for the life of me what the issue was today, tells us all that this was NOT indeed the case.  Ha!

Nevertheless, I was miserable, unable to do any work and crying, A LOT (this is how I release a lot of emotion, unfortunately).

A deep part of me somehow knew I was overreacting in some way.  It naturally turned into my need to PRAY to God and frantically ask for help. (Sign #1)

All of a sudden, when I stopped “talking to myself” in my head and starting “talking to God” I would physically feel the angst in my chest lift and I would be able to relax, even if for just a moment. (Sign #2)

It was not easy, my prayers would last about 30 seconds at the most.  I could not concentrate on God very long before my mind would take over again and start spiraling.

But, again and again, I felt this tug to  turn back to God in prayer, and each time,  would relax a bit more. (Sign #3)

It was a tough day, and I was exhausted by the constant back and forth and inner turmoil, but in the end, I felt resilient.

More SURREND’hered.

******

As I reflect on this experience now,  I know that I won that battle against the temptation taking place in my head.  That’s right, when we feel the anxiety, worry, victim mentalities, that is the tell-tale sign that we are under an attack.

However, when I sought God and found my Spiritual self again,  I was then able to gather my thoughts and have a rational conversation with my husband to get to a resolution.  We were able to talk without it escalating and making it far worse, which, had I gone with my original conversation in my head, would have done just that.

What I learned was….

I would liken our “SPIRIT SELF” versus our “WORLDLY SELF”  as the inner *KNOWING* that is tugging at our heart and gut and biding us to share our burden.

The voice that I take on when I speak to God sounds different than when I talk to myself…and yet, it’s still me talking.

 As an aside, there was a time where I tried to sound really eloquent and “spiritual” in my prayers….now I just talk how I would talk to any of my closest friends and family members.  I remain authentic to my personality and communication because, well, God knows me anyway.  I can’t fake it with God and it makes my prayer life much easier.

Plus, when I speak to God versus when I speak to myself,  I will say things like, “God, I’m really angry right now and feel frustrated by x, y, z (and usually l, m, n, o, p!)….”  but then I start saying things in my prayers like, “BUT, I know that you will handle all of this.  BUT, I know that you want me to be (faithful, loving, kind, gentle etc etc). ” (Sign #4)

Those sentences, where I start to say, “I KNOW” is not my head talking to me.  My head is being attacked.  That is my divine intuition, my “inner knowing,” speaking through me that is the Holy Spirit guiding me back to the *me* that He created me to be—> the Spiritual Self.

 

The answer….

So, how do you find your “Spiritual Self Talk” and distinguish her from your “Worldly Self Talk?”

PRAYER.

How you truly start to recognize your “INTUITION” versus your “HEAD” is characterized by what happens as you PRAY versus what happens as your THINK.

The more you start to pay attention to what is going on in that PRAYER SPACE, the more you will be able to embody that space throughout the day.  Prayer doesn’t always have to be a secluded, quiet event.  It can be a inner dialogue just as your regular thoughts are.

That is how you can indeed, “Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion” as Paul so rightly recommends.  Those days where I can walk and talk with God all day long are my greatest days ever.

 

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Spiritual Health

Watershed Anniversary: Top 10-Lessons I’ve Learned Since June 1, 2013

I woke up on this day, June 1, exactly two years ago “ready” for a big day, but what actually came to be, would be far bigger than I ever imagined.

We all have these days, called Watershed moments, that change the course of our history.  This day is the anniversary for which my life has never been the same.

June 1, 2013, I did my first, and only, bikini competition.  But also the day that my then ex-boyfriend, now husband, Howard, came back into my life.    

Howard and I at Bikini

At the time, I had not seen Howard in about 18-months as he surprised me and showed up to my competition, flying in from California.  He had seen me in many shapes and forms over our 5-year history at that time, but he was surprised  that there was a lot MORE of me to see in that itty bitty bikini, but also a lot LESS of me to see as I was about 35-lbs lighter than when he and I had first started dating. 

As I have written about before, I was using the show in-part as an effort to teach myself the lessons in nutrition and fitness so I could be a better nutritionist and trainer.

  The other reason, and what I consider my “real” reason I took to such extreme measures to attain the “perfect body,” was to fill a void in my soul that had been caused from years of body image disorders. 

What I learned from this experience was that God is the only thing that can fill the gaps in our hearts and souls.  As happy as I thought I was going to be by getting such a “perfect” body, I was joyless, sad, lonely and ashamed.

While this experience has been truly significant in shaping who I am as a woman and now teacher of TRUE Health (in Body, Mind and Soul) I must admit that finding my love again, my Howard, would be the real reason to celebrate this day in my history.    

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My life as I knew it was going to drastically change from my single-girl, independent, successful life in Denver, CO to the love wrecked, whirlwind, jet-setting, never-a-dull-moment life I now live! 

Over these last two-years, I must admit that it has felt like huge juggernaut after juggernaut have been thrown in my way, all of which have been tremendous blessings but most certainly demanding quick adaptation, character development and growth—none of which are easy all the time.    

Being single, then bride, then wife and step-mom!
Being employed, then unemployed, then entrepreneur!
Being renter, then home-owner, then “interior designer” x 2!
Being new girl in one new city and then 14-months later being new girl in another new city.
Being healthy, then disabled with a back injury, then a new kind of healthy and strong!
Being in the leanest shape of my life, to back to the not-so-lean shape and being OK WITH THAT! 
Being a narrowly traveled woman then to a jet-setting, never home kind of woman.
Being ME then WE.    

I praise God that He has helped me to adapt as best as I can to a flip-flopped life.  I am woefully imperfect at some transitions and surprisingly adept at others.  I could not have done any of it without God in my heart guiding me along the way.   I have learned so much from Him! 

So, in honor of this marked personal anniversary,  I’d like to share the:

Top 10 Watershed Lessons I’ve Learned in the last 2-years!

  1. TRUST YOUR HEART:
    Howard and I had broken up at least 3 times in the 7-years it would take for us to walk down the aisle, so when he came back to me and told me I was the “One,”  I had plenty of cause for pause and contemplation.  But in the end, it was not about logic and what society would say about second (or third) chances, it was about what my heart said.  I prayed and prayed for several weeks and knew my heart was always his and that God had called us together.

    The same could be said from the experience of my bikini show.  I written once before how I knew in my heart this show was not what God was calling me to do, yet I did it any way.  I am so fortunate that God forgives us when we don’t listen and will find a way to bless and bring purpose from our mistakes.  Howard coming to my show would be part of that purpose. All the lessons I can teach others would be the other.

  2. YOU CAN’T CHANGE PEOPLE, BUT GOD CAN:  People try to tell us that “people don’t change,” but that’s not true.  God changes people all the time.  I tried and tried to change my stubborn husband (full disclosure: I still do “try” sometimes…or all the time) all those years of dating, but in the end, he had to learn from within.  (Mental note to stop “trying”).

    The same can be said for me.  Howard loves me at any weight I come in (in fact the curvier the better in most ways!), but I was never trying to lose weight for him, or any man.  It was always because of a lie in my mind telling me I had to be more worthy.  God changed my heart to change my mind and allows me to see the beauty I am at all shapes and sizes.

  3. FORGIVENESS IS THE GREATEST GIFT WE GIVE OURSELVES:
    We all go through pains and do stupid things in our life.  Being able to forgive someone for a serious wrong they have done is a gift to them, certainly, but it is a gift to ourselves most.  To unburden our hearts of the pain and to restore your Faith that God will help you all find a way to make it right and well again will change your life. 

    In the same way, forgiving ourselves for our own mistakes is a tremendous gift that will drastically change the course of our lives toward the path that God has chosen for us.

  4. MORE MONEY DOESN’T GIVE YOU MORE JOY, BUT GOD DOES:
    I am not ashamed to admit it, while I was perfectly successful and content on my own, I was looking forward to the travel and the house and excitement that being married to an extremely hard-working and accomplished man would provide as an added bonus to life.  But I would quickly learn, that just having worldly success and the blessing of “things” does not give you more JOY or peace.   

    My most joyful moments still come from those areas where God dwells most—those things money can’t buy.   In hearing my husbands laugh, being silly dancing with my step daughter, taking long walks holding hands, or talking with my mom or girlfriends on the phone.  My single most joyful feeling are those times where God’s love just fills my soul for no apparent reason.  The “stuff” is nice and is still a blessing, but certainly not what makes me truly HAPPY.  I am blessed to realize this.

  5. OUR MINDS GOVERN OUR BODY:
    What I think about most becomes my life or as Descartes said it,  “I think, therefore I am.” For most of my life, I would obsessively worry about my body and what I was eating, causing stress that caused me to over eat and then obsess even more.  This cycle would cause the yo-yo affect that would lead me down the bikini competition path way. 

    My thoughts also change the stress responses to my body for every day function.  Whatever we think about grows.  So if we focus on our problems, they grow.  If we focus on our blessings, they grow!   It impacts our BODY in every way:  how we walk, talk, work and love.

  6. OUR SOULS GOVERN OUR MINDS:
    I learned from a very poignant moment I realized that all of us suffer from LIES in our head that are not just mindset problems, but SPIRITUAL problems.   Learning that the devil preys on those very areas of our minds that are most susceptible is the number one strategy he uses to destroy our Faith and Happiness. 

    The same lesson was learned by my husband as there was a LIE he had perpetually repeated about how he was incapable of marriage that had to take years of counseling and deep soul work to re-wire in his thoughts.   We are blessed that we serve a God that sets us back on the Rock of Truth.

  7. HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS:  All it takes is a solid two-years of traveling to realize it doesn’t matter the house (or hotel), but it matters where your heart is.  Building a “home” requires only the foundation in your heart and soul that you take with you wherever you are together.

  8. “Marriage is not designed to make us HAPPY, but to make us HOLY.”
    This quote was from my Pastor, Alan Kraft, of Christ Community Church in Greeley, Co.  I didn’t quite get it at the time but I am getting it now!  I have written before that my husband is my greatest teacher for me—he serves as a MIRROR to me and I am a MIRROR to him.  We love it when our mirrors properly reflect the love of God in our hearts.  But there are times where we see quite clearly that they reflect our flaws and selfish sin.  These are hard lessons.  But I praise God because I would never have seen these things without my husband.  For better or worse, he is making me the Holy woman God wants me to be and I am doing to same for him.

  9. PRAYER SAVES:
    My communication levels with God have never been so frequent and ongoing.  These rapid and great changes in my life can naturally evoke a lot of fear, but because I find constant relief as I give these fears over to God in prayer, I wind up praying much more now than I ever have.  He has given me comfort in tough trials, bravery to step out in Faith, a companion in the times of loneliness, and a place where I can praise and thank Him for his abundant blessings.

  10. YOU CAN’T MESS WITH A MAN’S FOOD:
    Funny that God should bring a “Nutrient-Based”, nutrition girl to become “One” with a Veggie-Hating man, but alas, here we are.  I learned VERY early on that trying to become my husbands “Health Coach” was not going to happen.  I struggle with this (eh hmm…A LOT) some times, mainly because my sin of obsessing about food for myself still discourages me.   But most of the time I just have to throw my hands up in the air and laugh.  I hear this from nearly all of my clients and happily married women I know….you just don’t go there.    

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Breaking-Up is Powerful To Do

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

The other day I gave a little snippet of how my husband and I met. It was some good ol’ self-deprecating humor about how my husband was actually attracted to the very assets (no pun intended) that I had perceived as my worst flaws (i.e. my big ol’ booty).

I told the story about how we first met and gave the rather evasive ellipses and the cliche of “the rest is history!”

Well, ha! That history was anything but just 3 small dots . . .

Actually if each of those dots represented the number of times we would break-up, then yes, that is quite accurate! But it would be a tumultuous 6-years of dating on-and-off before we would be engaged and then married on lucky year #7. In fact, we married on the exact date that we met at the restaurant I told you about in my last blog.

It was anything but “first comes love, then comes marriage” il_340x270.468855362_s7edin your typical RomCom (Romantic Comedies). You could liken it much more to the yo-yo dating a la Carrie and “Mr. Big” of Sex and the City.

Each break-up was excruciatingly painful for me. Howard had been trapped in his own mental battle of “lies” that had convinced him that he wasn’t capable of successfully being married. A product of both his childhood history, his own divorce, and the dozens of divorces he witnessed of many of his closest friends. Some of them even found that their spouse was having an affair using reverse phone lookup.

That being said, even if things did not work out in the end, a divorce is nowhere near as traumatic or as stigmatized as it used to be. For instance, I know plenty of couples that have managed to split amicably. Most arguments during divorce proceedings tend to focus on the division of assets. However, most of my friends that have been divorced have always used a prenuptial agreement to ensure that their assets were divided fairly. One thing I will say though is that if you are considering getting a prenuptial agreement before marriage, it is vital that you contact a team of prenup lawyers first to make sure that your prenup is accurate and valid.

As for my now-husband though, he had a very fear-based way of living and looking at relationships. His viewpoint, sadly, is actually very common in America. It’s not just America who feels this way, there are many people around the world who feel this way about marriage, for example in the United Kingdom, where the divorce rate is around 40%, there are some couples who look to law firms that are in the Specialist Divorce business in order to end their marriages. There are others who believe that marriage isn’t needed to maintain a happy relationship with their partner.

But, being the hopeless optimist that I have always been, I saw so much more in him and knew what we had was special.

Even so, I was caught in my own “fear-based” mindset, constantly worrying about our relationship too. Thinking about him non-stop and wondering where it was all “going” and if he “really loved me” or not.
I always worried that I was never enough for him and never enough to save our relationship.

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Call these fears of intuition or more likely a self-fulfilling prophecy, but after about 6-months of things going seemingly fine for us, I would start to panic and squeeze tighter just as Howard would start to panic and pull-away. Causing us to break-up.

These break-ups felt like my heart was shattering.

But what was so surprising, was that I quickly came to realize that I was not indeed shattered or broken. I think myself lucky that unlike some people I didn’t jump straight into marriage and have to use Colorado Springs Process Server to issue my partner with divorce papers each time.

In a beautiful irony is that in those moments of feeling so heart-broken, my heart was actually being healed and remolded into a better way.

It was during these periods of heart break that I (slightly at first) began to lean on God as well as learn more about myself!

God tremendously blessed these times for me.

I found some of my best friends and grew much closer with my family;
I found my body’s strength and my passion for fitness;
I found some necessary wisdom from seeking a therapist for over 3-years to figure out my own fear-based and insecure mind;
I found out a lot about myself through the various jobs and “life searching” I was doing.

What was happening in these breaks of our relationship are what I now call “LIFE!”

I learned things that I would not have necessarily learned had I still been so mentally consumed by my relationship with Howard.

It was easy for me say that Howard’s commitment phobia was the issue, but I began to realize that was not true.

I was just as responsible for the relationship not working out (yet). I had my own fear-based issues that clearly needed some Divine Molding to turn me into “wife” worthy.

As I was learning this, I must admit it was very easy to get ahead of myself too. To think that just a few months of “soul searching” would fix both him and I. So each time we would get back together, I would think, “Ok God, we did all the work we needed to do! This time this is it!”

But nope…..we would fall back into our old fear-based habits. Howard would pull-away. I would worry and obsess. We’d break-up. Yo-Yo dating.

Finally, after our 3rd break-up, feeling shame from the “fool me twice” adage, I reached my breaking point. I was done. It was at this moment of feeling “done” that I found my word SURRENDER and I was finally learning to live it too.

I started to attend a new church in my home town of Greeley, Coloraod – Christ Community Church, and began to experience some remarkable spiritual revelations and God Winkmiracles. The Pastor of the Church, Alan Kraft would somehow preach sermons that were exactly what I needed to hear at that day. This is something I’ve heard called a “God Wink”, where you feel as though God has just blessed you with a little coincidence or miracle with a “wink” ;-).

It was at this time , that I was finally entering into a personal, deep relationship with God. Where I learned to SURREND’her my heart for GOD to fill, instead of waiting for some man to come and do it. I finally let down enough guards around my heart making God truly able to heal me.

I would find that God was doing the same for Howard.

A series of big events for Howard along with years of counseling, allowed him to finally realized I was “the one.” God enabled him to break himself free from the lies he’d convinced himself of for so long and gave him the courage to fly out to Denver and beg me to be his wife.

When he found me again, he found a new me. I was not the same “fear-based” woman I had been. God had truly changed all that. While I certainly needed several weeks to pray and contemplate whether I could really forgive Howard and accept some new developments in our life as well as commit to the biggest decision of my life and become his wife, having the fulfillment of God’s love in my heart made all of those decisions possible.

“For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ.”

-2 Corinthians 1:20

The time apart had allowed a beautiful release of the expectation that he or any man had previously been expected to fill. Because I was filled to the brim with God’s love I was able to release Howard from the role of having to fill those empty holes and neediness I had before.

As much as my heart bursts from the amount of love I receive from my husband now, it does not compare to the love and fulfillment I feel from God’s love.

Which makes sense, because God IS love. Cup Runneth OverAny love that I give and receive from Howard just makes my “cup runneth over.”

You might be wondering, ok Mandi, that is a pretty great love story and all, but what does this have to do with HEALTH?

Well, a lot actually!

Stay tuned for Part II tomorrow as I expand further on the Power of the Break-Up in LOTS or areas of our life!!

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Health Coaching Spiritual Health Uncategorized

[Part 5] Wine Not?! How to Avoid Any WINE-ing

WIne a Little

If this were a fairytale, this story of my process of how I “broke-up” with WINE would end with something like: 

“As the young Lady Chardonnay realized the error of her ways, changed her heart and decided not to drink wine as much anymore,  everyone around her was so glad and happy for her transformation that they all just accepted and embraced her new life”Happily Ever After

As I mentioned in the introduction to this series in [Part 1} Wine Not?! Marking those Darn Health Changes that affect our social lives”, I pretty plainly pointed out that a LARGE number of my closest relationships, including my husband and my best friends, were intimately tied to this act of drinking wine together.

I charted my personal journey of this decision in a path to change from my BODY to my MIND and then to my SOUL. 

Today, I am sharing how this personal change was put into PRACTICE socially. 

I would be remiss if I lead you to believe that I had all these 4 phases of my personal change were linear and happened one after another exactly.   The fact is, with any major change in your life, you learn the most by doing.Confucious Quote

I began practicing the act of avoiding drinking before I had fully awakened my Consciousness of Spirit and Surrend’hered to it. 

But it was by PRACTICING (and pretty much messing it up a lot) that I actually learned the MOST Spiritually about this decision. 

As I reiterated yesterday, until you understand something down to your SOUL, you will struggle time and time again with making a long lasting change.

But you DON’T have to have it all figured out before you start making the change.   In fact, as of right now, I don’t think I’ll EVER have it ALL figured out because I’m still struggling in some areas and with some relationships.

I can accept that and even embrace this fact because I learned very early on, by putting this process into PRACTICE I use each experience as a significant learning tool that has deepened my own Spiritual Conviction and connection to my Core Values.

Nevertheless, I have some wonderful key perspectives that I have learned that have allowed me to maintain these valuable relationships in my life.   Naturally, I am unwilling to give up just because I am no longer choosing to drink wine as much.  But naturally, something had to change in these dynamics. 

That change has been me.Me

I have learned some key perspectives allowing me to embrace this change keep my relationships in tact!

KEY PERSPECTIVE #1:

GO IN WITH A PLAN

I don’t just go into any event where I know there is going to be wine and other temptations to just wing it.  Also, I don’t go in telling myself “I’m just not going to eat that or drink that.”  No, that I’ve learned doesn’t work at all. 

The best thing I have learned to do is to go into the event with a plan of what I AM going to do.

  • I take the time to decide what it is I AM going to drink for the night, which is usually a bottle of sparkling water (served in a wine glass!) with fresh lime or lemon.
  • I’ll also plan what time I’m going to leave an event so as to avoid being around drunk people (that is not fun when you’re sober). 
  • I also find it helpful to plan ahead things I have to do the next morning that will all reinforce my commitment to my health and my Core Values that I determined (again, if you’re interested in signing up for my Core Values, 6-Step Exercise, click HERE)

KEY PERSPECTIVE #2:

ALLOW OTHERS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR BODY, THEIR PROCESS AND THEIR FEELINGS.

I will go ahead an admit that this is the hardest thing for me to do and I am relearning this step ALL THE TIME!

NewsFlash

I can’t control other people. 

I can’t control what they are putting in their body, where they are in their own process of making a health change and certainly how my decisions are making them feel.

This is tough detaching from all of these things, especially with my natural tendency to be a people pleaser and to help people (especially in their health).     

I seem to consistently learn this perspective the hard way, especially with my husband! Errr…..

If I try to convince them that what they were doing was “wrong” then I sound judgmental.  If I tried to tell them how to not feel that way, it made them feel worse and definitely more defensive!

So, while I don’t take responsibly for their stuff, I can empathize with them. 

  • I understand how they might feel that I’m judging them because I remember feeling that way before too. 
  • I understand how they might feel ashamed that they don’t have the “will power” to not drink because I remember when it was that I thought I just needed more will power too. 
  • I can see why my actions are evoking an emotional response from a friend or my husband because I remember how hard I was on myself and how those feelings came out negatively, too.

We all want our loved ones to be on the same “page” as us so that it makes our decisions easier.  But the truth is that they’re just NOT.  We can’t control their decisions and the more you remind yourself of this fact and hand the responsibility back to them, the more it frees you from this burden!

KEY PERSPECTIVE #3:

I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY OWN BODY, MY OWN PROCESS AND MY OWN FEELINGS.

Responsibility

The worst trouble I get myself into is when I think I have myself “all figured out” and I have it all “under control” or “I’m cured” of the lies. 

I get arrogant or something because the next thing I know, my husband orders an impromptu glass of Chardonnay for himself at lunch on the patio and I am jealous and mad.  I say things without thinking them through and definitely come off as though I’m judging or nagging him.

But, after a pause and some reflection, I realize exactly where my reaction is coming from.  It is stemming from still believing some of the lies in my soul that say things like, “You can’t have fun without wine” or even some other harsh things about how I’m at fault for damaging my body and this is the punishment I deserve for having been so reckless.

I take a breather and gather myself back into that space of Spiritual Consciousness in into God’s care and I see it all more clearly.

I take responsibility and make the choice to see things in their TRUTH, not see things in their lies.  Because the TRUTH is that this health choice is NOT about punishing myself—-it is about rewarding myself!  Freeing myself from the burden of lies, freeing my body from pain, freeing my mind from negative thinking and overall empowering myself and my health.

I take responsibility for my own body and my own process including any part where I realized I am backsliding and hovering between some of the phases again.

I take responsibility for my words and apologize to any person that I might have sounded judgmental to and I own exactly what my feelings are. 

Just the other day, I had to admit to my husband that my negative reaction recently to his health choices was out of jealousy, insecurity and these lies of self-punishment in my head.  I realized those feelings were wrong and my reaction to him was wrong.  Verbalizing this is an incredible gift to our loved ones and offers great clarity, but is also a gift to ourselves!

Admitting your fault first is not easy all the time, but it is liberating!

KEY PERSPECTIVE #4:

HELP TO CREATE THE RIGHT ENVIRONMENT

When it comes to social behaviors like drinking, people are most concerned with having fun.  So I have learned that the most important thing I can do to alleviate any backlash or change in the relationship is to focus my energy on creating a fun environment even when I’m not drinking.

If my energy is off and I’m in my negative head space, I will be more quiet, reserved and sitting in jealousy over the fact that I am not drinking the wine.  Negative Nancy.  Negativity 

But I will take a moment to choose my mood and choose the positive sides of my choices and go into the event much more upbeat.    It makes a significant difference!

If my friends see that I’m having fun, enjoying the night, laughing with them and not making the whole topic of conversation about the fact that “I’m not drinking wine” then it has majorly positive impact on their mood, the the night as a whole. They will be less likely to assume you are judging them or have an issue with their life choices.

One solid tip is to really shy away from talking too much about your “diet” or this health choice.

I made the mistake a time or two to explain to people exactly why I wasn’t choosing to drink and I was met with some blank stares and a clear indicator that they considered me “no fun.”  Well they were right, who wants to hear that! 

People always want to ask you why you’re not drinking and I find that a simple, nonchalant answer is ALWAYS the best call. 

“Oh no thanks, I’m good” 

I'm GoodThis is my favorite one because it’s reaffirming that I’m GOOD, as in I’m happy with my decision.   Not, “No thanks, I’m on a diet,” or “ No thanks, I can’t have that” which are both negative version.

If someone presses me further, I try to always tell the truth to these questions (some people will make up a lie, which I find to usually be unnecessary and kind of weak in owning what you’re doing) but will make the truth as light and breezy as possible.  The key to doing this is by SMILING when saying it.

–“Oh, I’m just taking not feeling it tonight.  I have something early in the morning.”

If they still continue to probe….

-“Yeah, wine has just been making me feel off lately.  So I’m taking a hiatus.  But it smells delicious!  I hope you’re enjoying it!” 

Create the environment one of enjoyment and others will not bother you as much!

PERSPECTIVE #4:

PRACTICE DOES MAKE PROGRESS!

Practice Makes Progress

I won’t say that practice makes perfect because nothing is perfect.   But practice definitely makes tremendous progress!  Studies have shown that the more you engage in a new habit of change, the more the habit will run into your natural stream of subconsciousness!

Some studies will say that you need to do something 21-days in a row in order for it to be come a reinforced habit.  But when it comes to behavior that you don’t engage in every day necessarily, I would say that a solid 30-60 days is a more realistic expectation.

I realize this may sound like a long time, especially for anyone that is struggling in early stages of this change, but it’s not a white a black issue!   It’s not as though it’s hard all 60 days and then by some miracle it’s easy on day 61!

It is a PROCESS and the more you practice, the more it will get progressively easier and easier too.  You can build momentum in your progress and it helps to reinforce your choices each time.

It is because of these valuable perspectives that I have been able to enjoy being around wine and feeling empowered by my choice to not drink it. 

It is because I was able to dive deeply into not just the health of my body, but to the health of having a strong mindset and a strong connection to my Spiritual Alignment that I was able to get to the place of putting this new health choice into action with very little change to my relationships!

I have become more and more confident that this choice is the right one for me the more I put this choice into practice! 

I take ownership of my health, my process, my values and my responsibility to improve myself to live my best life!

As I said the other day, this choice can just be one more way that I can be the change I wish to see in the world and to let my light shine before others. 

I encourage you to start the process today for whatever new health choice you need to make to do the same thing!!

God will bless your journey!