Tag: marriage

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Spiritual Health

HEADCASE: The Difference Between My “Spirit Talking” and My “Head Talking”

HEAD CASE

I am a HEAD CASE.

“You’re in your head a lot.”  This is what my friend Erin tells me all the time.  She quickly follows it up with, “Don’t get me wrong.  It takes one to know one!”

It’s true, I can get trapped in my “own head” a lot.  I love that I am able to critically think and analyze something until I fully comprehend what I should do or how I can teach it.   However, when it comes to “self-talk” and even my relationships with others, it can be my greatest downfall.

If I stay too long in my head, it prevents me from acting and doing the things I know God wants me to do. It delays me and distracts me from my Greater Purpose pathway and the peace that He can give me when I dwell with Him in the Spirit.

When it comes to our health, our MINDS make all the difference.  Our thoughts cannot be trusted to tell us the truth, but our Spirit can.  Our Spirit is our inner “knowing,” or divine intuition that leads us in the direction we should go, even when it doesn’t logically make sense.

When we are in tune with our Spirit, we can learn to trust it as our guide.

Paul encourages us in Ephesians 6:18 to, “Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion.  Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers.”

The problem is, how can we tell, then, when we are in Our Spirit versus when we are in Our Head?  How can you understand your own intuition versus your regular thought life?

I don’t think I recognized my own Spiritual voice in my head until I was being tempted beyond my normal “head case” ways.

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I remember, I was angry with my husband for something.  I honestly  have no idea what it was for on this occasion, because,  let’s face it, husbands can do this to us ALL THE TIME, or at least mine does!

But my anger was manifesting itself in the worst ways— ways that I think we can all relate to.

I was playing the “worst case scenario”  in my head.   I was worrying and over-analyzing and OBSESSIVELY role playing what I was going to say to him when I saw him.  I overwhelmingly felt like I was the victim of some great marriage tragedy, which, since I CAN’T remember for the life of me what the issue was today, tells us all that this was NOT indeed the case.  Ha!

Nevertheless, I was miserable, unable to do any work and crying, A LOT (this is how I release a lot of emotion, unfortunately).

A deep part of me somehow knew I was overreacting in some way.  It naturally turned into my need to PRAY to God and frantically ask for help. (Sign #1)

All of a sudden, when I stopped “talking to myself” in my head and starting “talking to God” I would physically feel the angst in my chest lift and I would be able to relax, even if for just a moment. (Sign #2)

It was not easy, my prayers would last about 30 seconds at the most.  I could not concentrate on God very long before my mind would take over again and start spiraling.

But, again and again, I felt this tug to  turn back to God in prayer, and each time,  would relax a bit more. (Sign #3)

It was a tough day, and I was exhausted by the constant back and forth and inner turmoil, but in the end, I felt resilient.

More SURREND’hered.

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As I reflect on this experience now,  I know that I won that battle against the temptation taking place in my head.  That’s right, when we feel the anxiety, worry, victim mentalities, that is the tell-tale sign that we are under an attack.

However, when I sought God and found my Spiritual self again,  I was then able to gather my thoughts and have a rational conversation with my husband to get to a resolution.  We were able to talk without it escalating and making it far worse, which, had I gone with my original conversation in my head, would have done just that.

What I learned was….

I would liken our “SPIRIT SELF” versus our “WORLDLY SELF”  as the inner *KNOWING* that is tugging at our heart and gut and biding us to share our burden.

The voice that I take on when I speak to God sounds different than when I talk to myself…and yet, it’s still me talking.

 As an aside, there was a time where I tried to sound really eloquent and “spiritual” in my prayers….now I just talk how I would talk to any of my closest friends and family members.  I remain authentic to my personality and communication because, well, God knows me anyway.  I can’t fake it with God and it makes my prayer life much easier.

Plus, when I speak to God versus when I speak to myself,  I will say things like, “God, I’m really angry right now and feel frustrated by x, y, z (and usually l, m, n, o, p!)….”  but then I start saying things in my prayers like, “BUT, I know that you will handle all of this.  BUT, I know that you want me to be (faithful, loving, kind, gentle etc etc). ” (Sign #4)

Those sentences, where I start to say, “I KNOW” is not my head talking to me.  My head is being attacked.  That is my divine intuition, my “inner knowing,” speaking through me that is the Holy Spirit guiding me back to the *me* that He created me to be—> the Spiritual Self.

 

The answer….

So, how do you find your “Spiritual Self Talk” and distinguish her from your “Worldly Self Talk?”

PRAYER.

How you truly start to recognize your “INTUITION” versus your “HEAD” is characterized by what happens as you PRAY versus what happens as your THINK.

The more you start to pay attention to what is going on in that PRAYER SPACE, the more you will be able to embody that space throughout the day.  Prayer doesn’t always have to be a secluded, quiet event.  It can be a inner dialogue just as your regular thoughts are.

That is how you can indeed, “Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion” as Paul so rightly recommends.  Those days where I can walk and talk with God all day long are my greatest days ever.

 

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Fitness & Training Spiritual Health

Isn’t It Just Like God…. A Testimony of Fitness and Faith

Because It's Just Like God...

It would be 2013, lucky #13, that would be my most transformed year-to-date.  I was single after being in an on-again, off-again relationship going on about 4 years.  I was living in Denver, CO and had just found myself lucky enough to be raptured in a new passion that was soon going to be a career change.  I had always loved going to the gym but then I was given the opportunity to start teaching group fitness classes, training clients and soon became a certified Nutrition Coach.

I had just found my “word”, you know, those words that seem to smack you in the face with how perfect they are for you right in the moment?  My word was SURRENDER as I had realized that even though I grew up going to church, I hadn’t yet fully SURRENDERED and committed myself to a real relationship with God.  Those several heart breaks helped me fill my heart with God’s healing Grace, and now that my life was falling into place just right, SURRENDER was the word I clung to to keep me walking with God and letting Him lead the way.

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However, somewhere at the juncture of deciding to take my passion for the Fitness industry to a career-level, I got scared.  I started to second-guess myself and my self-worth based on my long held body image issues.  As a way to “look the part” I decided I would train for a Bikini Competition.  I vividly remember standing in the gym with a tug on my heart and Jesus whispering, “You don’t have to do this, Mandi.”   The problem was that I had already made my “grand announcement” and was receiving so much praise and encouragement, I feared I couldn’t back out of it.  So I ignored God and thrust myself into 5-months of grueling training for an event my body was not designed to do.   All so I could convince myself I was “good enough” for people to hire me as a professional.

It didn’t work.Show Before and After

The day of the show, I was back stage, at 10% body fat, 20 lbs lighter and still felt absurdly “larger” than the other girls.  I was shaking my head in disbelief.  How could I still feel this way after so much work?  Not recognizing the woman I became, I prayed to God, pleading for Him to just be with me.  I was deep in shame and regret but He, of course, was there all along, and His peace renewed my strength.  I knew I would recommit my heart to Christ and try to put back the pieces of my heart with Him at the center.

But, here is where I would get the greatest shock and gift of grace of my entire life. 

The day of the show, my then “off-again” boyfriend,  Howard, whom I had not seen for 18-months, decided to fly in from California and surprise me at my show!  He was a bit aghast at my ribs and skinniness (he politely asked that I gain back 20lbs immediately) and I thought of it as a sweet gesture of support that I tried not to think much about given the fact that I was attempting to be “OVER HIM” from the past years of pain.  In my heart, he had always been “that guy” that I could not quite get over. 

Howard and I at Bikini

A week later, I got a call from Howard with some news!  He had apparently spoken to my Mom and Dad, asking their permission and forgiveness first, and wanted to let me know that he had finally figured out (with the help of  a couple years of therapy), that I was in fact “The One” all along.  That he had finally overcome his fears of inadequacy and commitment and he was ready to get married, have a family, travel the world and anything I wanted, if I’d have him. 

This news was of course a tremendous shock!  The words I had always hoped to hear were finally being said! I felt elated. 

“But…..,” he said.  Never a good sign.

“I have to tell you, I have a 8-month old baby girl, named Eden.” 

My elation was met with devastation and I could hear no more.  I hung up and cried out to God, “God have I not endured enough?  How can I bear this pain too? Please God….please.”  I cried all night.

But by morning, something in me all of a sudden shifted.  Something in my heart was triggered.  A hair thin strip of peace that “transcended all understanding” formed deep within me and began to grow.  For some reason, I knew everything was going to be alright.  I didn’t know how, but I went back to my word—SURRENDER.

Over the next month and several more conversations with Howard, I would come to understand that this baby girl, sweet Eden, while not planned by her parents, was still planned by God.  She would be an agent of change in Howard and would be used by God to transform his life.  She would renew Howard’s faith too, as he fought his own regrets.

I realized, it’s just like God to do such an act of Grace.   To take a time where I would blatantly ignore his voice and pull away from Him,  AND Howard would certainly make a bad choice trying to do things “his way” too and yet, God decided to bless us anyway. 

It’s just like God to take these unplanned and imperfect circumstances and make them PERFECT agents of change to propel us to the life He called us for, both individually and in marriage. 

“And we know that in all things, God works for the GOOD of those who love Him.  Who are called according to His purpose.”  Romans 8:38

Version 2

In October 2014, I became Mrs. Howard Wright and from that decision of forgiveness onward, my life has been a whirlwind of change!  I gained back ALL the weight, moved to a new city and then another new city just 1 year later, adjusted to life as a “corporate wife” and of course, step-motherhood of a toddler!   And I wouldn’t CHANGE ONE THING!

God uses every single bit of it and has molded every fear,  feat and failure along the way into my Greater Purpose and this venture of A. Wright Fit.   I am passionately using my small platform to help others find their True Health from the inside-out!  Aligning our Fitness through our Faith and allowing God to take the reigns of our LIFE and our health!  To SURREND’her our way to becoming STRONG’her and WISE’her. 

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Because it’s just like God to make us STRONG’her than we know…..

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Categories
Spiritual Health

The Wondrous Power Of 40

Wondrous 40

I am currently traveling back from my a long weekend with my entire family to celebrate my parents 40th wedding anniversary in Breckenridge, CO!   What an honor it is to be the daughter of such a loving and committed couple, it is truly a gift from them I could never repay.  It has been invaluable to my life.

They met when my mom, Kathi, was 15 and my dad, Ralph, was 18.  They were married just 5-years later and have remained faithful and committed to their love these 40-years later.  What I love the most, is not just that they have been married for this long, but they have actually been happily married and have showcased this affection and love to my siblings and I throughout. 

For some, they might look at this 40-year success as a “miracle” in today’s society, but for our family, we know it is not some magical act of luck that has kept them thriving in marriage, but the workmanship of God. 

It has been part of God’s Purpose for them to find each other, marry and grow in Him as they grew in their love.  My parents simply made the decision to continue to stay Faithful to His purpose and promises in their life.  They will tell us it has not always been easy to thrive in a loving marriage and family of 5.   

They have had their definite challenges in the differences in personality (my mom can be a back-seat driver, my dad can be impatient) and the difficult circumstances they have faced (my mom’s breast cancer, my dad’s business closing) and at times they questioned God’s plan, like we all do.  

But, they still made the decision to remain Faithful to their commitment, because they knew that God would stay Faithful to His.

As I was reflecting on their 40-years and the wonder of God’s love that has allowed them to endure and thrive, I started to focus on the symbolism of that number 40.   It is so POWERFUL!

Did you know that the Bible mentions this number 146 times?  It is a very powerful and prominent symbol that represents the God’s intentional periods of testing and waiting as well as the fulfillment of God’s love and promises. 
 
For example:)

  • Moses went through three, 40-year phases in his life:  40-years as the son of Pharaoh in Egypt, then 40-years wandering the desert, then 40-years leading God’s people to Israel.
  • Moses received the 10-Commandments from God after a 40-day fast up on Mount Sinai.
  • In the book of Exodus, God’s People of Israel were freed from Egypt and on their way to the Promised Land which was a trek that should have taken just a few weeks by foot, but God tested them and made them wait 40-years before they could enter to their rightful home! 
  • Jesus did a 40-day prayer fast right before His crucifixion where we was tempted by Satan to set Himself free from His destiny of death.  Jesus thankfully overpowered Satan’s tempting which gives us our freedom from Sin today.
  • The Bible itself is actually written by 40 different authors and yet all relay the same truth and the consistent character of God.

The number 40 is a big deal in the eyes of God and, as with everything in the Bible, we should pay attention and apply it to our lives. 

For this reason, I choose to engage in 40-day intentions annually.  I have for the last 10-years practiced the self-sacrifice period of Lent which is the 40-days leading up to Easter Sunday, celebrating the resurrection of Jesus. 

As I have grown in my relationship with God more recently, I have decided 40-days is the perfect amount of time to really focus on health intentions too.  I believe that if we want to truly secure new, healthier habits into our lives, a 40-day commitment is usually the least amount of time required before the act because truly habitual and less difficult. 

For this reason, at A. Wright Fit I will be offering several health intention plans and products that will focus around this 40-day blessed period. 

The first, is my 40-days Radical Acceptance daily devotional series which starts TOMORROW, July 21.  This is a simple daily reading with the intention of Radically Accepting some of the harder things in our Spiritual lives.

To be sure you are signed up, click this link HERE.<—   

Since this is my first 40-day Spiritual Health product I’m offering,  I have decided I wanted to offer it for FREE before I add it to a exercise and nutrition sequence that will be for sale! 

But to get your chance of reading it for FREE, be sure you sign up for the email sequence as well as CONFIRM your email to the be officially added. Again,   —> LINK IS HERE<—

I am looking forward to what 40-Days of Radical Acceptance looks like for me!  I invite you along for the journey too! 

Radical Acceptance (4)

 

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Spiritual Health

Watershed Anniversary: Top 10-Lessons I’ve Learned Since June 1, 2013

I woke up on this day, June 1, exactly two years ago “ready” for a big day, but what actually came to be, would be far bigger than I ever imagined.

We all have these days, called Watershed moments, that change the course of our history.  This day is the anniversary for which my life has never been the same.

June 1, 2013, I did my first, and only, bikini competition.  But also the day that my then ex-boyfriend, now husband, Howard, came back into my life.    

Howard and I at Bikini

At the time, I had not seen Howard in about 18-months as he surprised me and showed up to my competition, flying in from California.  He had seen me in many shapes and forms over our 5-year history at that time, but he was surprised  that there was a lot MORE of me to see in that itty bitty bikini, but also a lot LESS of me to see as I was about 35-lbs lighter than when he and I had first started dating. 

As I have written about before, I was using the show in-part as an effort to teach myself the lessons in nutrition and fitness so I could be a better nutritionist and trainer.

  The other reason, and what I consider my “real” reason I took to such extreme measures to attain the “perfect body,” was to fill a void in my soul that had been caused from years of body image disorders. 

What I learned from this experience was that God is the only thing that can fill the gaps in our hearts and souls.  As happy as I thought I was going to be by getting such a “perfect” body, I was joyless, sad, lonely and ashamed.

While this experience has been truly significant in shaping who I am as a woman and now teacher of TRUE Health (in Body, Mind and Soul) I must admit that finding my love again, my Howard, would be the real reason to celebrate this day in my history.    

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My life as I knew it was going to drastically change from my single-girl, independent, successful life in Denver, CO to the love wrecked, whirlwind, jet-setting, never-a-dull-moment life I now live! 

Over these last two-years, I must admit that it has felt like huge juggernaut after juggernaut have been thrown in my way, all of which have been tremendous blessings but most certainly demanding quick adaptation, character development and growth—none of which are easy all the time.    

Being single, then bride, then wife and step-mom!
Being employed, then unemployed, then entrepreneur!
Being renter, then home-owner, then “interior designer” x 2!
Being new girl in one new city and then 14-months later being new girl in another new city.
Being healthy, then disabled with a back injury, then a new kind of healthy and strong!
Being in the leanest shape of my life, to back to the not-so-lean shape and being OK WITH THAT! 
Being a narrowly traveled woman then to a jet-setting, never home kind of woman.
Being ME then WE.    

I praise God that He has helped me to adapt as best as I can to a flip-flopped life.  I am woefully imperfect at some transitions and surprisingly adept at others.  I could not have done any of it without God in my heart guiding me along the way.   I have learned so much from Him! 

So, in honor of this marked personal anniversary,  I’d like to share the:

Top 10 Watershed Lessons I’ve Learned in the last 2-years!

  1. TRUST YOUR HEART:
    Howard and I had broken up at least 3 times in the 7-years it would take for us to walk down the aisle, so when he came back to me and told me I was the “One,”  I had plenty of cause for pause and contemplation.  But in the end, it was not about logic and what society would say about second (or third) chances, it was about what my heart said.  I prayed and prayed for several weeks and knew my heart was always his and that God had called us together.

    The same could be said from the experience of my bikini show.  I written once before how I knew in my heart this show was not what God was calling me to do, yet I did it any way.  I am so fortunate that God forgives us when we don’t listen and will find a way to bless and bring purpose from our mistakes.  Howard coming to my show would be part of that purpose. All the lessons I can teach others would be the other.

  2. YOU CAN’T CHANGE PEOPLE, BUT GOD CAN:  People try to tell us that “people don’t change,” but that’s not true.  God changes people all the time.  I tried and tried to change my stubborn husband (full disclosure: I still do “try” sometimes…or all the time) all those years of dating, but in the end, he had to learn from within.  (Mental note to stop “trying”).

    The same can be said for me.  Howard loves me at any weight I come in (in fact the curvier the better in most ways!), but I was never trying to lose weight for him, or any man.  It was always because of a lie in my mind telling me I had to be more worthy.  God changed my heart to change my mind and allows me to see the beauty I am at all shapes and sizes.

  3. FORGIVENESS IS THE GREATEST GIFT WE GIVE OURSELVES:
    We all go through pains and do stupid things in our life.  Being able to forgive someone for a serious wrong they have done is a gift to them, certainly, but it is a gift to ourselves most.  To unburden our hearts of the pain and to restore your Faith that God will help you all find a way to make it right and well again will change your life. 

    In the same way, forgiving ourselves for our own mistakes is a tremendous gift that will drastically change the course of our lives toward the path that God has chosen for us.

  4. MORE MONEY DOESN’T GIVE YOU MORE JOY, BUT GOD DOES:
    I am not ashamed to admit it, while I was perfectly successful and content on my own, I was looking forward to the travel and the house and excitement that being married to an extremely hard-working and accomplished man would provide as an added bonus to life.  But I would quickly learn, that just having worldly success and the blessing of “things” does not give you more JOY or peace.   

    My most joyful moments still come from those areas where God dwells most—those things money can’t buy.   In hearing my husbands laugh, being silly dancing with my step daughter, taking long walks holding hands, or talking with my mom or girlfriends on the phone.  My single most joyful feeling are those times where God’s love just fills my soul for no apparent reason.  The “stuff” is nice and is still a blessing, but certainly not what makes me truly HAPPY.  I am blessed to realize this.

  5. OUR MINDS GOVERN OUR BODY:
    What I think about most becomes my life or as Descartes said it,  “I think, therefore I am.” For most of my life, I would obsessively worry about my body and what I was eating, causing stress that caused me to over eat and then obsess even more.  This cycle would cause the yo-yo affect that would lead me down the bikini competition path way. 

    My thoughts also change the stress responses to my body for every day function.  Whatever we think about grows.  So if we focus on our problems, they grow.  If we focus on our blessings, they grow!   It impacts our BODY in every way:  how we walk, talk, work and love.

  6. OUR SOULS GOVERN OUR MINDS:
    I learned from a very poignant moment I realized that all of us suffer from LIES in our head that are not just mindset problems, but SPIRITUAL problems.   Learning that the devil preys on those very areas of our minds that are most susceptible is the number one strategy he uses to destroy our Faith and Happiness. 

    The same lesson was learned by my husband as there was a LIE he had perpetually repeated about how he was incapable of marriage that had to take years of counseling and deep soul work to re-wire in his thoughts.   We are blessed that we serve a God that sets us back on the Rock of Truth.

  7. HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS:  All it takes is a solid two-years of traveling to realize it doesn’t matter the house (or hotel), but it matters where your heart is.  Building a “home” requires only the foundation in your heart and soul that you take with you wherever you are together.

  8. “Marriage is not designed to make us HAPPY, but to make us HOLY.”
    This quote was from my Pastor, Alan Kraft, of Christ Community Church in Greeley, Co.  I didn’t quite get it at the time but I am getting it now!  I have written before that my husband is my greatest teacher for me—he serves as a MIRROR to me and I am a MIRROR to him.  We love it when our mirrors properly reflect the love of God in our hearts.  But there are times where we see quite clearly that they reflect our flaws and selfish sin.  These are hard lessons.  But I praise God because I would never have seen these things without my husband.  For better or worse, he is making me the Holy woman God wants me to be and I am doing to same for him.

  9. PRAYER SAVES:
    My communication levels with God have never been so frequent and ongoing.  These rapid and great changes in my life can naturally evoke a lot of fear, but because I find constant relief as I give these fears over to God in prayer, I wind up praying much more now than I ever have.  He has given me comfort in tough trials, bravery to step out in Faith, a companion in the times of loneliness, and a place where I can praise and thank Him for his abundant blessings.

  10. YOU CAN’T MESS WITH A MAN’S FOOD:
    Funny that God should bring a “Nutrient-Based”, nutrition girl to become “One” with a Veggie-Hating man, but alas, here we are.  I learned VERY early on that trying to become my husbands “Health Coach” was not going to happen.  I struggle with this (eh hmm…A LOT) some times, mainly because my sin of obsessing about food for myself still discourages me.   But most of the time I just have to throw my hands up in the air and laugh.  I hear this from nearly all of my clients and happily married women I know….you just don’t go there.    

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Uncategorized

Breaking-Up is Powerful To Do

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

The other day I gave a little snippet of how my husband and I met. It was some good ol’ self-deprecating humor about how my husband was actually attracted to the very assets (no pun intended) that I had perceived as my worst flaws (i.e. my big ol’ booty).

I told the story about how we first met and gave the rather evasive ellipses and the cliche of “the rest is history!”

Well, ha! That history was anything but just 3 small dots . . .

Actually if each of those dots represented the number of times we would break-up, then yes, that is quite accurate! But it would be a tumultuous 6-years of dating on-and-off before we would be engaged and then married on lucky year #7. In fact, we married on the exact date that we met at the restaurant I told you about in my last blog.

It was anything but “first comes love, then comes marriage” il_340x270.468855362_s7edin your typical RomCom (Romantic Comedies). You could liken it much more to the yo-yo dating a la Carrie and “Mr. Big” of Sex and the City.

Each break-up was excruciatingly painful for me. Howard had been trapped in his own mental battle of “lies” that had convinced him that he wasn’t capable of successfully being married. A product of both his childhood history, his own divorce, and the dozens of divorces he witnessed of many of his closest friends. Some of them even found that their spouse was having an affair using reverse phone lookup.

That being said, even if things did not work out in the end, a divorce is nowhere near as traumatic or as stigmatized as it used to be. For instance, I know plenty of couples that have managed to split amicably. Most arguments during divorce proceedings tend to focus on the division of assets. However, most of my friends that have been divorced have always used a prenuptial agreement to ensure that their assets were divided fairly. One thing I will say though is that if you are considering getting a prenuptial agreement before marriage, it is vital that you contact a team of prenup lawyers first to make sure that your prenup is accurate and valid.

As for my now-husband though, he had a very fear-based way of living and looking at relationships. His viewpoint, sadly, is actually very common in America. It’s not just America who feels this way, there are many people around the world who feel this way about marriage, for example in the United Kingdom, where the divorce rate is around 40%, there are some couples who look to law firms that are in the Specialist Divorce business in order to end their marriages. There are others who believe that marriage isn’t needed to maintain a happy relationship with their partner.

But, being the hopeless optimist that I have always been, I saw so much more in him and knew what we had was special.

Even so, I was caught in my own “fear-based” mindset, constantly worrying about our relationship too. Thinking about him non-stop and wondering where it was all “going” and if he “really loved me” or not.
I always worried that I was never enough for him and never enough to save our relationship.

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Call these fears of intuition or more likely a self-fulfilling prophecy, but after about 6-months of things going seemingly fine for us, I would start to panic and squeeze tighter just as Howard would start to panic and pull-away. Causing us to break-up.

These break-ups felt like my heart was shattering.

But what was so surprising, was that I quickly came to realize that I was not indeed shattered or broken. I think myself lucky that unlike some people I didn’t jump straight into marriage and have to use Colorado Springs Process Server to issue my partner with divorce papers each time.

In a beautiful irony is that in those moments of feeling so heart-broken, my heart was actually being healed and remolded into a better way.

It was during these periods of heart break that I (slightly at first) began to lean on God as well as learn more about myself!

God tremendously blessed these times for me.

I found some of my best friends and grew much closer with my family;
I found my body’s strength and my passion for fitness;
I found some necessary wisdom from seeking a therapist for over 3-years to figure out my own fear-based and insecure mind;
I found out a lot about myself through the various jobs and “life searching” I was doing.

What was happening in these breaks of our relationship are what I now call “LIFE!”

I learned things that I would not have necessarily learned had I still been so mentally consumed by my relationship with Howard.

It was easy for me say that Howard’s commitment phobia was the issue, but I began to realize that was not true.

I was just as responsible for the relationship not working out (yet). I had my own fear-based issues that clearly needed some Divine Molding to turn me into “wife” worthy.

As I was learning this, I must admit it was very easy to get ahead of myself too. To think that just a few months of “soul searching” would fix both him and I. So each time we would get back together, I would think, “Ok God, we did all the work we needed to do! This time this is it!”

But nope…..we would fall back into our old fear-based habits. Howard would pull-away. I would worry and obsess. We’d break-up. Yo-Yo dating.

Finally, after our 3rd break-up, feeling shame from the “fool me twice” adage, I reached my breaking point. I was done. It was at this moment of feeling “done” that I found my word SURRENDER and I was finally learning to live it too.

I started to attend a new church in my home town of Greeley, Coloraod – Christ Community Church, and began to experience some remarkable spiritual revelations and God Winkmiracles. The Pastor of the Church, Alan Kraft would somehow preach sermons that were exactly what I needed to hear at that day. This is something I’ve heard called a “God Wink”, where you feel as though God has just blessed you with a little coincidence or miracle with a “wink” ;-).

It was at this time , that I was finally entering into a personal, deep relationship with God. Where I learned to SURREND’her my heart for GOD to fill, instead of waiting for some man to come and do it. I finally let down enough guards around my heart making God truly able to heal me.

I would find that God was doing the same for Howard.

A series of big events for Howard along with years of counseling, allowed him to finally realized I was “the one.” God enabled him to break himself free from the lies he’d convinced himself of for so long and gave him the courage to fly out to Denver and beg me to be his wife.

When he found me again, he found a new me. I was not the same “fear-based” woman I had been. God had truly changed all that. While I certainly needed several weeks to pray and contemplate whether I could really forgive Howard and accept some new developments in our life as well as commit to the biggest decision of my life and become his wife, having the fulfillment of God’s love in my heart made all of those decisions possible.

“For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ.”

-2 Corinthians 1:20

The time apart had allowed a beautiful release of the expectation that he or any man had previously been expected to fill. Because I was filled to the brim with God’s love I was able to release Howard from the role of having to fill those empty holes and neediness I had before.

As much as my heart bursts from the amount of love I receive from my husband now, it does not compare to the love and fulfillment I feel from God’s love.

Which makes sense, because God IS love. Cup Runneth OverAny love that I give and receive from Howard just makes my “cup runneth over.”

You might be wondering, ok Mandi, that is a pretty great love story and all, but what does this have to do with HEALTH?

Well, a lot actually!

Stay tuned for Part II tomorrow as I expand further on the Power of the Break-Up in LOTS or areas of our life!!