Tag: wife

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Spiritual Health

HEADCASE: The Difference Between My “Spirit Talking” and My “Head Talking”

HEAD CASE

I am a HEAD CASE.

“You’re in your head a lot.”  This is what my friend Erin tells me all the time.  She quickly follows it up with, “Don’t get me wrong.  It takes one to know one!”

It’s true, I can get trapped in my “own head” a lot.  I love that I am able to critically think and analyze something until I fully comprehend what I should do or how I can teach it.   However, when it comes to “self-talk” and even my relationships with others, it can be my greatest downfall.

If I stay too long in my head, it prevents me from acting and doing the things I know God wants me to do. It delays me and distracts me from my Greater Purpose pathway and the peace that He can give me when I dwell with Him in the Spirit.

When it comes to our health, our MINDS make all the difference.  Our thoughts cannot be trusted to tell us the truth, but our Spirit can.  Our Spirit is our inner “knowing,” or divine intuition that leads us in the direction we should go, even when it doesn’t logically make sense.

When we are in tune with our Spirit, we can learn to trust it as our guide.

Paul encourages us in Ephesians 6:18 to, “Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion.  Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers.”

The problem is, how can we tell, then, when we are in Our Spirit versus when we are in Our Head?  How can you understand your own intuition versus your regular thought life?

I don’t think I recognized my own Spiritual voice in my head until I was being tempted beyond my normal “head case” ways.

*******

I remember, I was angry with my husband for something.  I honestly  have no idea what it was for on this occasion, because,  let’s face it, husbands can do this to us ALL THE TIME, or at least mine does!

But my anger was manifesting itself in the worst ways— ways that I think we can all relate to.

I was playing the “worst case scenario”  in my head.   I was worrying and over-analyzing and OBSESSIVELY role playing what I was going to say to him when I saw him.  I overwhelmingly felt like I was the victim of some great marriage tragedy, which, since I CAN’T remember for the life of me what the issue was today, tells us all that this was NOT indeed the case.  Ha!

Nevertheless, I was miserable, unable to do any work and crying, A LOT (this is how I release a lot of emotion, unfortunately).

A deep part of me somehow knew I was overreacting in some way.  It naturally turned into my need to PRAY to God and frantically ask for help. (Sign #1)

All of a sudden, when I stopped “talking to myself” in my head and starting “talking to God” I would physically feel the angst in my chest lift and I would be able to relax, even if for just a moment. (Sign #2)

It was not easy, my prayers would last about 30 seconds at the most.  I could not concentrate on God very long before my mind would take over again and start spiraling.

But, again and again, I felt this tug to  turn back to God in prayer, and each time,  would relax a bit more. (Sign #3)

It was a tough day, and I was exhausted by the constant back and forth and inner turmoil, but in the end, I felt resilient.

More SURREND’hered.

******

As I reflect on this experience now,  I know that I won that battle against the temptation taking place in my head.  That’s right, when we feel the anxiety, worry, victim mentalities, that is the tell-tale sign that we are under an attack.

However, when I sought God and found my Spiritual self again,  I was then able to gather my thoughts and have a rational conversation with my husband to get to a resolution.  We were able to talk without it escalating and making it far worse, which, had I gone with my original conversation in my head, would have done just that.

What I learned was….

I would liken our “SPIRIT SELF” versus our “WORLDLY SELF”  as the inner *KNOWING* that is tugging at our heart and gut and biding us to share our burden.

The voice that I take on when I speak to God sounds different than when I talk to myself…and yet, it’s still me talking.

 As an aside, there was a time where I tried to sound really eloquent and “spiritual” in my prayers….now I just talk how I would talk to any of my closest friends and family members.  I remain authentic to my personality and communication because, well, God knows me anyway.  I can’t fake it with God and it makes my prayer life much easier.

Plus, when I speak to God versus when I speak to myself,  I will say things like, “God, I’m really angry right now and feel frustrated by x, y, z (and usually l, m, n, o, p!)….”  but then I start saying things in my prayers like, “BUT, I know that you will handle all of this.  BUT, I know that you want me to be (faithful, loving, kind, gentle etc etc). ” (Sign #4)

Those sentences, where I start to say, “I KNOW” is not my head talking to me.  My head is being attacked.  That is my divine intuition, my “inner knowing,” speaking through me that is the Holy Spirit guiding me back to the *me* that He created me to be—> the Spiritual Self.

 

The answer….

So, how do you find your “Spiritual Self Talk” and distinguish her from your “Worldly Self Talk?”

PRAYER.

How you truly start to recognize your “INTUITION” versus your “HEAD” is characterized by what happens as you PRAY versus what happens as your THINK.

The more you start to pay attention to what is going on in that PRAYER SPACE, the more you will be able to embody that space throughout the day.  Prayer doesn’t always have to be a secluded, quiet event.  It can be a inner dialogue just as your regular thoughts are.

That is how you can indeed, “Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion” as Paul so rightly recommends.  Those days where I can walk and talk with God all day long are my greatest days ever.

 

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Spiritual Health

Watershed Anniversary: Top 10-Lessons I’ve Learned Since June 1, 2013

I woke up on this day, June 1, exactly two years ago “ready” for a big day, but what actually came to be, would be far bigger than I ever imagined.

We all have these days, called Watershed moments, that change the course of our history.  This day is the anniversary for which my life has never been the same.

June 1, 2013, I did my first, and only, bikini competition.  But also the day that my then ex-boyfriend, now husband, Howard, came back into my life.    

Howard and I at Bikini

At the time, I had not seen Howard in about 18-months as he surprised me and showed up to my competition, flying in from California.  He had seen me in many shapes and forms over our 5-year history at that time, but he was surprised  that there was a lot MORE of me to see in that itty bitty bikini, but also a lot LESS of me to see as I was about 35-lbs lighter than when he and I had first started dating. 

As I have written about before, I was using the show in-part as an effort to teach myself the lessons in nutrition and fitness so I could be a better nutritionist and trainer.

  The other reason, and what I consider my “real” reason I took to such extreme measures to attain the “perfect body,” was to fill a void in my soul that had been caused from years of body image disorders. 

What I learned from this experience was that God is the only thing that can fill the gaps in our hearts and souls.  As happy as I thought I was going to be by getting such a “perfect” body, I was joyless, sad, lonely and ashamed.

While this experience has been truly significant in shaping who I am as a woman and now teacher of TRUE Health (in Body, Mind and Soul) I must admit that finding my love again, my Howard, would be the real reason to celebrate this day in my history.    

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My life as I knew it was going to drastically change from my single-girl, independent, successful life in Denver, CO to the love wrecked, whirlwind, jet-setting, never-a-dull-moment life I now live! 

Over these last two-years, I must admit that it has felt like huge juggernaut after juggernaut have been thrown in my way, all of which have been tremendous blessings but most certainly demanding quick adaptation, character development and growth—none of which are easy all the time.    

Being single, then bride, then wife and step-mom!
Being employed, then unemployed, then entrepreneur!
Being renter, then home-owner, then “interior designer” x 2!
Being new girl in one new city and then 14-months later being new girl in another new city.
Being healthy, then disabled with a back injury, then a new kind of healthy and strong!
Being in the leanest shape of my life, to back to the not-so-lean shape and being OK WITH THAT! 
Being a narrowly traveled woman then to a jet-setting, never home kind of woman.
Being ME then WE.    

I praise God that He has helped me to adapt as best as I can to a flip-flopped life.  I am woefully imperfect at some transitions and surprisingly adept at others.  I could not have done any of it without God in my heart guiding me along the way.   I have learned so much from Him! 

So, in honor of this marked personal anniversary,  I’d like to share the:

Top 10 Watershed Lessons I’ve Learned in the last 2-years!

  1. TRUST YOUR HEART:
    Howard and I had broken up at least 3 times in the 7-years it would take for us to walk down the aisle, so when he came back to me and told me I was the “One,”  I had plenty of cause for pause and contemplation.  But in the end, it was not about logic and what society would say about second (or third) chances, it was about what my heart said.  I prayed and prayed for several weeks and knew my heart was always his and that God had called us together.

    The same could be said from the experience of my bikini show.  I written once before how I knew in my heart this show was not what God was calling me to do, yet I did it any way.  I am so fortunate that God forgives us when we don’t listen and will find a way to bless and bring purpose from our mistakes.  Howard coming to my show would be part of that purpose. All the lessons I can teach others would be the other.

  2. YOU CAN’T CHANGE PEOPLE, BUT GOD CAN:  People try to tell us that “people don’t change,” but that’s not true.  God changes people all the time.  I tried and tried to change my stubborn husband (full disclosure: I still do “try” sometimes…or all the time) all those years of dating, but in the end, he had to learn from within.  (Mental note to stop “trying”).

    The same can be said for me.  Howard loves me at any weight I come in (in fact the curvier the better in most ways!), but I was never trying to lose weight for him, or any man.  It was always because of a lie in my mind telling me I had to be more worthy.  God changed my heart to change my mind and allows me to see the beauty I am at all shapes and sizes.

  3. FORGIVENESS IS THE GREATEST GIFT WE GIVE OURSELVES:
    We all go through pains and do stupid things in our life.  Being able to forgive someone for a serious wrong they have done is a gift to them, certainly, but it is a gift to ourselves most.  To unburden our hearts of the pain and to restore your Faith that God will help you all find a way to make it right and well again will change your life. 

    In the same way, forgiving ourselves for our own mistakes is a tremendous gift that will drastically change the course of our lives toward the path that God has chosen for us.

  4. MORE MONEY DOESN’T GIVE YOU MORE JOY, BUT GOD DOES:
    I am not ashamed to admit it, while I was perfectly successful and content on my own, I was looking forward to the travel and the house and excitement that being married to an extremely hard-working and accomplished man would provide as an added bonus to life.  But I would quickly learn, that just having worldly success and the blessing of “things” does not give you more JOY or peace.   

    My most joyful moments still come from those areas where God dwells most—those things money can’t buy.   In hearing my husbands laugh, being silly dancing with my step daughter, taking long walks holding hands, or talking with my mom or girlfriends on the phone.  My single most joyful feeling are those times where God’s love just fills my soul for no apparent reason.  The “stuff” is nice and is still a blessing, but certainly not what makes me truly HAPPY.  I am blessed to realize this.

  5. OUR MINDS GOVERN OUR BODY:
    What I think about most becomes my life or as Descartes said it,  “I think, therefore I am.” For most of my life, I would obsessively worry about my body and what I was eating, causing stress that caused me to over eat and then obsess even more.  This cycle would cause the yo-yo affect that would lead me down the bikini competition path way. 

    My thoughts also change the stress responses to my body for every day function.  Whatever we think about grows.  So if we focus on our problems, they grow.  If we focus on our blessings, they grow!   It impacts our BODY in every way:  how we walk, talk, work and love.

  6. OUR SOULS GOVERN OUR MINDS:
    I learned from a very poignant moment I realized that all of us suffer from LIES in our head that are not just mindset problems, but SPIRITUAL problems.   Learning that the devil preys on those very areas of our minds that are most susceptible is the number one strategy he uses to destroy our Faith and Happiness. 

    The same lesson was learned by my husband as there was a LIE he had perpetually repeated about how he was incapable of marriage that had to take years of counseling and deep soul work to re-wire in his thoughts.   We are blessed that we serve a God that sets us back on the Rock of Truth.

  7. HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS:  All it takes is a solid two-years of traveling to realize it doesn’t matter the house (or hotel), but it matters where your heart is.  Building a “home” requires only the foundation in your heart and soul that you take with you wherever you are together.

  8. “Marriage is not designed to make us HAPPY, but to make us HOLY.”
    This quote was from my Pastor, Alan Kraft, of Christ Community Church in Greeley, Co.  I didn’t quite get it at the time but I am getting it now!  I have written before that my husband is my greatest teacher for me—he serves as a MIRROR to me and I am a MIRROR to him.  We love it when our mirrors properly reflect the love of God in our hearts.  But there are times where we see quite clearly that they reflect our flaws and selfish sin.  These are hard lessons.  But I praise God because I would never have seen these things without my husband.  For better or worse, he is making me the Holy woman God wants me to be and I am doing to same for him.

  9. PRAYER SAVES:
    My communication levels with God have never been so frequent and ongoing.  These rapid and great changes in my life can naturally evoke a lot of fear, but because I find constant relief as I give these fears over to God in prayer, I wind up praying much more now than I ever have.  He has given me comfort in tough trials, bravery to step out in Faith, a companion in the times of loneliness, and a place where I can praise and thank Him for his abundant blessings.

  10. YOU CAN’T MESS WITH A MAN’S FOOD:
    Funny that God should bring a “Nutrient-Based”, nutrition girl to become “One” with a Veggie-Hating man, but alas, here we are.  I learned VERY early on that trying to become my husbands “Health Coach” was not going to happen.  I struggle with this (eh hmm…A LOT) some times, mainly because my sin of obsessing about food for myself still discourages me.   But most of the time I just have to throw my hands up in the air and laugh.  I hear this from nearly all of my clients and happily married women I know….you just don’t go there.    

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Spiritual Health

Confessions of an Unburdened Heart

Today, I would just like to share openly with you about some of my real and current struggles—not so that I use you, my beloved reader, as a way to vent my frustration and fears, but rather as a place where I can expose how God is rewiring my mind and soul in real time so that whatever struggle you might be facing right now  might make you feel like you are less alone.  So even if our struggles are not in the same category in life, we can connect in a sisterhood of Divine strength,  knowing that we are not the only ones in this very moment who are having a hard time unwrapping our beautiful hearts from the greedy hands of the devils destruction. 

I am experiencing one of those days that I just can’t stop crying. I am overcome.   But God is speaking to me and I just hope to share what He is telling me now. 

I pray that by unwrapping my heart, I might shine a light on your darkness too.

 Gods love can overwhelm me.  Experiencing a calling to the depth that I am experiencing can be so strong that it almost feels like a burden.

There are so many questions I cannot yet answer.  The mystery of, “What will happen?” builds-up like piles of stones trying to create a mountain blocking the path that God has laid out before me.

Every day, I am challenged to be bigger than my fear.  Every day I am challenged to choose God and choose Faith so that those stones of fear are bulldozed away and my path is made clear, again…..and again. 

I had naively thought that once I overcame my initial fear of starting this business and was willing to be obedient to this calling, that I would overpower all fear. 

I was wrong. 

I battle fears of failure every day.  I battle fears of caring too much about what other people think of me, every day.  I battle fears of unworthiness every. single. day. 

What’s crazy is this epiphany—–>  The closer I get to God, the more my fears can mount up.

It is very clear, that the devil can sense this intimacy I have with God, and he is not happy with it. 

My great Hope lies in this—–>the closer I get to God, the more I use His Power to knock down my fears.  I thank God that His Power is so great. 

The other wave of emotion that I feel is the weight of so many new ROLES all at once.  What I am experiencing through this life shift of SURREND’her is a convergence of many “callings” meeting together at the epicenter, which is my heart.

This should not be surprising, since as I have written several times, our “Calling” or our “Greater Purpose” is not limited to what we “do for a living.”  So while I will often relay that my “calling” is found in this business I have started, A.Wright Fit, the truth is my true Calling and my Greater Purpose is being molded from several roles all at once.  I know I am not alone in these roles.

For instance:

  • I am called to be Wife.  What an honor this role is.   Wow, is it hard.  Today, as I write this we are officially 7-months married.  Newlyweds ;-).  Borrowing the words of Gabrielle Bernstein as she too was speaking of her fiancé, (now husband),  “He is my greatest assignment and my greatest teacher.”  I moved away from my family and my home in Colorado, and found my new home in my husbands arms, wherever in the world they may be at the time, which is far more traveled than I had expected!
    What I feel so far about being married is that much of what is so difficult about it is that often times I feel as though Howard is really acting as a mirror, reflecting back to me my greatest flaws.  Looking at my flaws in a mirror is BY FAR one of my LEAST favorite activities.  But the lessons I receive daily are abundant and humbling.  Loving harder is a challenge I have not only accepted, but have committed to in the covenant of marriage.  It is all here for a reason and it can all bring me close to God.  But it is a daily choice.
       
  • I am called to be Mother.  As I took my vows to marry, I also took on this new role as step-mom or what they call me, which is simply “Mandi” or specifically, “Mani” for the little one.  This is a role no one can really prepare you for.  There are not the “What to Expect When You’re Not Technically Expecting” books out there, nor did I experience any warm-up to parenting that being pregnant  or raising a child from infancy can provide.  I was thrown into the game as a rookie with both a toddler and a college student.  As a step-mom, I think the greatest gift I have is just a natural sense in navigating the boundaries for all parties involved and growing in love every day.  But I must admit, the fear of overstepping the boundaries are always great and choosing the love is not automatic, which I have guilt even admitting.  I am grateful I have God who teaches me how to choose love.
  • I am called to be Sister.  I am a little sister in the literal sense (and I miss my siblings fervently), but my calling is also now to be a Sister in the Soulful sense.  Starting this business has very little to do with the actual products and programs I offer, and much more about how can I serve as a Sister in Christ.  How can I play a role in helping others find their own paths to health and their Greater Purpose.  How can I help others seek God’s great Power for their life?  It is navigating the terrain and finding the right paths to being in the “right place at the right time” that is challenging.  Connecting with my clients as their health coach and helping women, most of which I’ve never met, find a greater connection to their health and to God is an honor.  It is simply my hope that I might be able to expand in this role and be called to serve on a wider platform. I do not know what lies ahead.
  • I am called to be Child.  I am both the child of the greatest parents in the history of the world, including my mother-in-law, but also and more importantly, the child of God.  I realized I am still in the infancy stages of life in so many ways and I know I am just learning to walk.  Like children often do,  I am learning so much at once!    I realize I must learn first before I can teach—- so I must learn to walk before I can run.

So, as I mentioned in my opening, it is days like this that I feel very overcome by the greatness of these Callings converging on me all at once. 

So I have done the only thing I have left to do, I have asked God the real question on my heart.

“God, why would you give such enormous callings to a girl who has been plagued with such insecurity her whole life?  How can you expect this insecure girl to really manage a head-strong husband, being away from her family and security, the unknown role of step-mothering, the huge leap of faith to lead women as an entrepreneur all while still learning to “walk” as the Child of God?”

God has answered me. 

I was literally bowed down with my head on the ground in the middle of my kitchen and His words came came to me,

“Beloved, you are not insecure.  You have just believed the lie that you are insecure.  I have given these things to you because you can handle them all, “not by works, but by Faith”.  “Put on the armor of God” and become the warrior I have called you to be.  Believe the lie no more and unburden your heart, “for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  You are worthy.”

He reminded me not to misjudge how I measure His love.  To not think that just because some people have found worldly success that they are somehow loved more than me.  He loves us all immeasurably and it cannot be compared.  We do not see the full picture of everyone’s heart and happiness. 

He reminded me that my burdens are not a sign that He does not love me either.  They are more of a sign that I am doing what is right and it is the devil who is afraid.  He reminded me that I can feel His love by his great protection and part of His love is shown in ways I cannot see. 

He reminded me not to miscalculate the size of His hands and Might of His Wings.  That His sovereign strength can bear all things.  That I can “take refuge under His mighty wings” and give Him ALL of my burdens, even those I’m ashamed to admit.  He can take them all and more. 

He reminded me that I’m not alone.

That I’m not insecure.

I am a warrior.

So, I stood up.  And here I shall STAND.

Below, are just some of the verses that came into my mind through my prayerful dialogue with God.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11: 28-30)

“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the power of this dark world and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.”  (Ephesians 6: 11-13)

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.  For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2: 8-10)

“How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!  People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.” (Psalm 36: 7)

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Breaking-Up is Powerful To Do

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

The other day I gave a little snippet of how my husband and I met. It was some good ol’ self-deprecating humor about how my husband was actually attracted to the very assets (no pun intended) that I had perceived as my worst flaws (i.e. my big ol’ booty).

I told the story about how we first met and gave the rather evasive ellipses and the cliche of “the rest is history!”

Well, ha! That history was anything but just 3 small dots . . .

Actually if each of those dots represented the number of times we would break-up, then yes, that is quite accurate! But it would be a tumultuous 6-years of dating on-and-off before we would be engaged and then married on lucky year #7. In fact, we married on the exact date that we met at the restaurant I told you about in my last blog.

It was anything but “first comes love, then comes marriage” il_340x270.468855362_s7edin your typical RomCom (Romantic Comedies). You could liken it much more to the yo-yo dating a la Carrie and “Mr. Big” of Sex and the City.

Each break-up was excruciatingly painful for me. Howard had been trapped in his own mental battle of “lies” that had convinced him that he wasn’t capable of successfully being married. A product of both his childhood history, his own divorce, and the dozens of divorces he witnessed of many of his closest friends. Some of them even found that their spouse was having an affair using reverse phone lookup.

That being said, even if things did not work out in the end, a divorce is nowhere near as traumatic or as stigmatized as it used to be. For instance, I know plenty of couples that have managed to split amicably. Most arguments during divorce proceedings tend to focus on the division of assets. However, most of my friends that have been divorced have always used a prenuptial agreement to ensure that their assets were divided fairly. One thing I will say though is that if you are considering getting a prenuptial agreement before marriage, it is vital that you contact a team of prenup lawyers first to make sure that your prenup is accurate and valid.

As for my now-husband though, he had a very fear-based way of living and looking at relationships. His viewpoint, sadly, is actually very common in America. It’s not just America who feels this way, there are many people around the world who feel this way about marriage, for example in the United Kingdom, where the divorce rate is around 40%, there are some couples who look to law firms that are in the Specialist Divorce business in order to end their marriages. There are others who believe that marriage isn’t needed to maintain a happy relationship with their partner.

But, being the hopeless optimist that I have always been, I saw so much more in him and knew what we had was special.

Even so, I was caught in my own “fear-based” mindset, constantly worrying about our relationship too. Thinking about him non-stop and wondering where it was all “going” and if he “really loved me” or not.
I always worried that I was never enough for him and never enough to save our relationship.

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Call these fears of intuition or more likely a self-fulfilling prophecy, but after about 6-months of things going seemingly fine for us, I would start to panic and squeeze tighter just as Howard would start to panic and pull-away. Causing us to break-up.

These break-ups felt like my heart was shattering.

But what was so surprising, was that I quickly came to realize that I was not indeed shattered or broken. I think myself lucky that unlike some people I didn’t jump straight into marriage and have to use Colorado Springs Process Server to issue my partner with divorce papers each time.

In a beautiful irony is that in those moments of feeling so heart-broken, my heart was actually being healed and remolded into a better way.

It was during these periods of heart break that I (slightly at first) began to lean on God as well as learn more about myself!

God tremendously blessed these times for me.

I found some of my best friends and grew much closer with my family;
I found my body’s strength and my passion for fitness;
I found some necessary wisdom from seeking a therapist for over 3-years to figure out my own fear-based and insecure mind;
I found out a lot about myself through the various jobs and “life searching” I was doing.

What was happening in these breaks of our relationship are what I now call “LIFE!”

I learned things that I would not have necessarily learned had I still been so mentally consumed by my relationship with Howard.

It was easy for me say that Howard’s commitment phobia was the issue, but I began to realize that was not true.

I was just as responsible for the relationship not working out (yet). I had my own fear-based issues that clearly needed some Divine Molding to turn me into “wife” worthy.

As I was learning this, I must admit it was very easy to get ahead of myself too. To think that just a few months of “soul searching” would fix both him and I. So each time we would get back together, I would think, “Ok God, we did all the work we needed to do! This time this is it!”

But nope…..we would fall back into our old fear-based habits. Howard would pull-away. I would worry and obsess. We’d break-up. Yo-Yo dating.

Finally, after our 3rd break-up, feeling shame from the “fool me twice” adage, I reached my breaking point. I was done. It was at this moment of feeling “done” that I found my word SURRENDER and I was finally learning to live it too.

I started to attend a new church in my home town of Greeley, Coloraod – Christ Community Church, and began to experience some remarkable spiritual revelations and God Winkmiracles. The Pastor of the Church, Alan Kraft would somehow preach sermons that were exactly what I needed to hear at that day. This is something I’ve heard called a “God Wink”, where you feel as though God has just blessed you with a little coincidence or miracle with a “wink” ;-).

It was at this time , that I was finally entering into a personal, deep relationship with God. Where I learned to SURREND’her my heart for GOD to fill, instead of waiting for some man to come and do it. I finally let down enough guards around my heart making God truly able to heal me.

I would find that God was doing the same for Howard.

A series of big events for Howard along with years of counseling, allowed him to finally realized I was “the one.” God enabled him to break himself free from the lies he’d convinced himself of for so long and gave him the courage to fly out to Denver and beg me to be his wife.

When he found me again, he found a new me. I was not the same “fear-based” woman I had been. God had truly changed all that. While I certainly needed several weeks to pray and contemplate whether I could really forgive Howard and accept some new developments in our life as well as commit to the biggest decision of my life and become his wife, having the fulfillment of God’s love in my heart made all of those decisions possible.

“For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ.”

-2 Corinthians 1:20

The time apart had allowed a beautiful release of the expectation that he or any man had previously been expected to fill. Because I was filled to the brim with God’s love I was able to release Howard from the role of having to fill those empty holes and neediness I had before.

As much as my heart bursts from the amount of love I receive from my husband now, it does not compare to the love and fulfillment I feel from God’s love.

Which makes sense, because God IS love. Cup Runneth OverAny love that I give and receive from Howard just makes my “cup runneth over.”

You might be wondering, ok Mandi, that is a pretty great love story and all, but what does this have to do with HEALTH?

Well, a lot actually!

Stay tuned for Part II tomorrow as I expand further on the Power of the Break-Up in LOTS or areas of our life!!