Tag: Healing

Categories
Goal Development Spiritual Health Uncategorized

BREAKING-UP IS POWERFUL TO DO, PART DEUX

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do II

 

As life would have it, I am finding more and more of my true calling in this effort of writing, blogging and health coaching.   It came to me a while ago, but I have realized that my Greater Purpose of this calling of writing these articles are not just for you (although I earnestly hope that you do get some sort of lesson or inspiration out of them) but really a lot of this calling is about ME and gaining some necessary wisdom in my life.

So, as it naturally happens, as I start to put pen-to-paper, or more aptly, fingers-to-keyboard, I start to expose more and more things that I need to focus on and work on.

As was the case when I started to write the blog last week that was just posted yesterday. I have always been so aware of the power that my husband’s and my history holds. I love our love story. I have fully embraced the convoluted, roller-coaster-ride rollercoaster of loveof our history as part of what makes our relationship so powerful today!

I can fully embrace the imperfect ways that we tried and tried to get it (W)right to no avail only to finally, FINALLY, realize what was the missing issue the entire time ——-> BIG MAN himself, G.O.D.

I spoke yesterday that I clearly placed Howard and my relationship ahead of God when I would obsess and worry and try harder and harder.

And as I was journaling these thoughts in our story for yesterday, it all of a sudden hit me like a dagger right between my eyes.

 “Consumed with thinking about it all day, everyday.”

“Obsessed with trying to be enough.”

“Trying harder and harder and holding on tighter and tighter.”

These are the EXACT phrases that I could easily put into place regarding my relationship with my body and food as well.

It’s not so shocking, of course, because I’ve already admitted to this behavior, especially when it was at it’s peak as I was training to do a bikini competition.

But I can admit now that these SAME feelings and obsession with my body were still very present  when I was planning for my wedding. It was another BIG DAY and I had a lot self pressure to look the best I’ve ever looked, naturally.

I am proud of myself that I did NOT resort to extreme tactics this go round and still treated my body in a much more health-centered way.

 But the truth is that mentally, I was just as consumed (if not more so) with worry and fret as I have been before. I hired not 1 but 2 health coaches myself, hired a personal trainer, logged my food every day, paid for extensive body fat measurements and the whole bit.

wedding-day-weight

 Again,

 “Consumed with thinking about it all day, every day.”

 “Obsessed with trying to be enough”

 “Trying harder and harder and holding on tighter and tighter”

The results were just about the same as those 6-years of dating Howard. I could try as hard as I wanted but it wasn’t going to change much.   I lost maybe 5 lbs and a few body fat % in the entire year that I was working toward my wedding body. For a WHOLE YEAR, with literally thousands of hours logged with worry, obsession and fret,  and all I lost was a measly 5lbs.

(Can someone make a t-shirt with that on it perhaps?   “I spent 1,000 of mental hours and 1,000 of dollars for this body and all I lost were these 5lbs?”)

Don’t get me wrong, I am quite pleased with how I looked on my wedding day, but I was a little exhausted that day too from all that build up and WORRY, which I have to admit was 80% about my BODY more than about the wedding itself!   Also, don’t EVEN get me started on the fact that it took a full 10-minutes and 4 women to zip up my gosh darn dress?!  How’s that for a confession?! UGHHHHHH.  Literally, I. Can’t. Even.  I can't even

 

But, I digress….

So, it’s been almost 6-months since my wedding day, and I have been trying to pinpoint this emotion that I’ve been feeling ever since.

For the first time, in a long time, I am not obsessing over my body, I am not logging my meals, I am not tracking every workout and measuring the # of calories I’m burning or consuming.

But all of this new behavior has me feeling a mix of emotions. I feel relief that I don’t have to obsess so much any more, and yet, I’m kind of sad and lost unsure of this new phase with my body and relationship food and workouts.

 AND SO IT’S HIT ME……

 I’m in the middle of a break-up!

It’s not the same as what it was when Howard and I broke-up because I can’t physically break-up with my body.

But I realize now that I’ve broken-up with the relationship I had with my body!

Subconsciously and now more consciously I have exposed that I STILL have a tendency to put many things (i.e. idols) ahead of my relationship with God . These tendencies seem to manifest themselves in my mind the exact same way.

 I obsess, I worry, I try harder and yet it doesn’t produce the results I want.

But, for the first time ever, I am not treating my body the same way as I always have. I have some other things that are taking precedence (namely, my time with God, my husband and this business) over my workouts, body obsession and food.

This has meant that my workouts are much shorter (usually about 30 minutes, 3-4 days per week). I also don’t track my eating like I used to (simply because I don’t have time). I am not weighing myself very often at all. I am not even looking in the mirror as much anymore!  It’s kinda just “weird” for me.  It’s a me I don’t quite recognize and don’t know quite what to do with myself….as odd as that sounds!

This relationship I had with my body was around for much much longer than the relationship I had with Howard, so I’m expecting this break-up to take some time.   And just like it was when he and I broke-up,  I don’t know if I’m meant to get back together with that old me, or if I’m going to find a whole new relationship with my body that is a much better fit!

images

Either way, I know I’m at this in between phase of this break-up right now and I need to STAY IN THIS PHASE until I have clear direction.

THE POWER IN THIS BREAK-UP:

Now that I am conscious that I am in the middle of this “break-up” with the relationship with my body, I can offer you some insight into what this means for me. What I DON’T have is the actual lessons I’m going to learn. The reason is because I’m not over it yet and I’m feel as though I’m still healing.

But if you’re in this place with me, perhaps realizing that you too have a “bad relationship” with your body, food, or working out, then there ARE some things that I can offer.  Things that I KNOW within my soul that are helping through this break-up phase.

1. Doubt Gives Way to Faith:

The power of our idols is incredibly strong. Everyday that I think I have a God-centered, “healthy” relationship with my body, I will all of a sudden find myself in the pantry binge eating some fruit clusters and other treats and then immediately feeling the affects of guilt and mental punishment the rest of the day.  Sugar Addiction (or any food/drink/substance addiction) can be a very real idol that we serve before we serve God.

But what I know is that just when I doubt I will ever be strong enough to beat my sugar addiction, in comes these waves of Faith that I know that God is stronger than anything and everything in this world.   God over EverythingI can put my trust and hope in God and He will help me beat this body idol and reengage in a new relationship with my body.  I can remember all the other hard things I’ve had to give up (anyone read my WINE-O series?!) and how much God has truly pulled me through once I SURREND’hered it to Him.

2. Fulfillment comes from God alone:

Just like I had learned the hard way from my break-ups with Howard, I am seeing this pop-up again in my break-up with my old relationship with my body. I was trying to find fulfillment from my body and my health instead of truly finding fulfillment from God. I know that this break-up will serve as the necessary time for me to reengage with God as my sole provider. To SURREND’her more and more to Him. To truly make Him the center of ALL of my life, not just part-of my life.

3.These Feelings of “Falling Apart” are what is going to lead to the Spiritual Break-Through I need:

[Full Disclosure] I am very, very uncomfortable in this ‘break-up phase’ with my body. A large part of me feels like I’m really GIVING-UP on my body.  410461022227339120_1382633488I have fear that it’s going to all go down hill. I have so much guilt about not working out as much or dieting as hard core as I used to and fear that all this is going to lead me to be a big fat hypocrite on this forum of “speaking about health” all while looking chubby. I am still struggling daily with the feelings of how I should be “trying harder.”

But, what I’m doing about these fears is not “trying harder,” I’m just praying harder. I’m journaling a ton and praying all day long about this body and this life and asking God to use me in these new ways. To heal my mind and body and soul. I know this is exactly the right course.

I am encouraged by the signs that God is giving me for motivation to keep “praying through”. One such sign is from the book I keep talking about, The Circle Maker. The author Mark Batterson gave me a very strong reminder when he said, “If you want to experience a super natural break-through, you have to pray through. But as you get closer to the break-through it often feels like you’re about to lose control, about to fall apart. That is when you need to press in and pray through.”

Pressing-on and praying through is what I intend to do!

4. I’m Grateful for my Imperfections:

I can find joy and gratitude in every difficult thing that I encounter in life. My very struggles in life are the things that keep me leaning on God and keep me looking to Him more and more. My imperfections are the gateway to the true blessings that I’ll receive from this relationship I’m building with God. I know I will never be perfect and this battle with my body and with food will be a lifelong battle. But I can be grateful for that because it means that I will always stay close to God. I can “sacrifice of a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord” (Psalm 116:17)

url

5. I can Praise Him NOW for what will be:

I can also know that because I’m giving Him this problem He has already answered my prayer. He has already delivered me from this idol of my body and food and He has offered me a new relationship with my body that better serves my Greater Purpose. I can Praise Him for answering this prayer and just wait for this answer to be revealed to me. I know there will come a time and I’ll “just know” what direction to take and I’ll keep taking steps that He leads me.   Thank you God for this.

So, while I do wish I had more answers for YOU I hope you don’t mind me opening up more about my struggles and how I’m really not much of an “expert” yet on how to enter into a healthy relationship with your body.

What I do encourage you to do is to self-assess your current relationship you have with your body too!

Q: How do you see your body?

Q: Do you put part of your quest for health or your body before God?

Q: What are the mental cues that recognize as your blocks (i.e. do you obsess, worry, avoid, abuse, or hate your body?).

Q: Can you find ways to use God in those areas and “pray-through” this barrier it plays in your heart and soul.   Think of the best ways that you can give this to God (prayer, friends, journaling etc)

Also, I do I highly suggest reading The Circle Maker the_circle_maker_zv_largeand journaling a lot more to expose some of your own idols in your life! It might not just be your body or health, it is likely quite a few things! Give them ALL UP! Keep SURREND’hering .

 

In Love and Healing,

 

Amanda

 

 

Categories
Health Coaching Spiritual Health Uncategorized

From Pieces to Peace — 7 Distinguishing Signs You’re Living Your Greater Purpose

God Is Within Her 

The other day, I opened up about a time where I very blatantly ignored the voice of God within me when I decided to push myself to do a Bikini Competition.   As challenging as it is to open up about such private stories, I was surprised to find relief and even joy in divulging this to you.

You see, because I am where I am now and since I have done ALL the work I have done, I look back at that time, which was just about 2-years ago, and am beyond thankful that I had those dark days so I can fully relish and realize the light that I feel today.

It makes me weep almost daily at the beauty of what I feel inside. Make no mistake, my life is not perfect and I am still learning hard lessons every day, but the difference I am feeling TODAY versus how I was feeling just 2-years ago, feels like light years away.
It is as though the missing pieces of my soul have finally clicked into place.   As though the puzzle that was broken into a confusion of scattered pieces has finally started to come together to reveal the picture they were destined to—the picture of my heart.Pieces of Heart

I have gone from pieces to peace.

I have found the freedom and peace that I believe only comes from SURREND’hering myself the path to my Greater Purpose in life. By mustering the courage and bravery of changing my habits and refocusing my path, I now live a life that feels so full.  How different it feels than just 2 years ago.

I pray earnestly that all women (and men) might find this strength and peace.

I pray for the women who are lost, just as I was, and are trying desperately to create their own “Purpose” in this life.

Like I was, women who are suffering from their own ways and are coping with this suffering with endless cocktail hours, hook-ups, gossip, body and beauty obsession and more.

Like I was, women who think that if they can only accomplish Goal “X”,  they will be happy.  Only to find that Goal “X” just leads to a hamster wheel of new goal after new goal. Going faster and trying harder but getting nowhere and feeling no happier.

Like I was, women who think they have to create their own destiny and find their own Purpose and set out to create lists, and plans, and vision boards to get “there”, only to find there is no “there”, there.There there

 

As I explained the other day there are clear signs that we are on the path to our Greater Purpose or a path of our own choosing.

Greater Purpose, as I see it, is our destiny, our calling, and the WHY in our lives.

 Mark Twain Quote

There is so much we can go out an conquer in this world! There are endless opportunities that await us and so many challenges we can take head on!

HOWEVER, finding the Spiritual alignment of our Greater Purpose FIRST is the key to developing the right short-term and long-term goals to lead you to a life you dream of.

So, how do you know if you’re following God’s Greater Purpose or Your Own Path?

Using my experience from 2-years ago versus how I live my life NOW, I’ll explain the:

7 Distinguishing Signs You’re Living Your Greater Purpose:

  1. #1

God has a unique plan for your life but you must develop a relationship with Him in order to see the steps ahead. Time spent in prayer is key, but also allowing your life to fall into place as it is supposed to is key as well. Showing you can Surrend’her control to Him. You can tell something is in God’s plan when it all feels like it’s falling into place with little or no effort of your own. It does not mean it’s easy, but God will provide you the tools with each step.

When I decided to do my bikini competition I didn’t consult God to ask if I should do the show. I made my decision and theennnn prayed to God to help me do it, big difference! I heard God’s voice telling “I didn’t have to”, but I brushed it off  to justify my own ways of thinking. My process of training kept hitting wall after wall too. My body had to be pushed very hard to lose the amount of body fat that I did. While I expect a challenge from God’s path too, there is a difference between a challenge God gives me and the challenge I faced when trying to force my body to change so drastically.

Now, I am challenged every day to overcome my fears and tendency to worry about what people think of me, but I defeat those fears because I know God has called me to do this. God has put me on this path and God is more powerful than any fear or difficulty. My life is challenged but in a way that still gives me peace and hope that I am on the right path.

 

2.

#2

The path of your Greater Purpose is not presented to you on a map where you see exactly where it will lead. No, God just takes you day by day making you focus just on the next step of the path. Living intimately connected to Him in your soul allows you to see things just as they are right now, in the present moment. He will offer you refuge, patience, love, joy, understanding, awareness, wisdom etc if you see it in the moment you are in. Practicing this with Him allows you to live more fulfilled and aware of all that you are blessed with in this very moment, allowing your worries about “tomorrow” to fall by the way side.

When I was prepping for my bikini competition all I could think and fantasize about what what it was going to be like when this process was over. Dreaming of the day of the show, what I would get to eat, and how I was going to feel. Day by day, I was a walking hollow shell and felt I was floating through life hardly connecting to anyone or anything in my path.

Now, I still have no idea where this Greater Purpose may lead me, my marriage or lead this business, but I have faith and strong hope that God will see me/us through, and it will be Good.

 

3.

#3

 

The human side of us always tries to tie our relevance in life to what we do for a living. While our jobs are what we spend a great majority of our time doing, our Greater Purpose is how we perform our jobs and how we live our life outside of our jobs too. Our Greater Purpose flows from our soul outward which means it starts in the areas of our character, our core values and our personality.   These define us more than our job title.

When I was in competition mode, I was living a life of a weakened spirit. The values I was living by were self control, conformity, belonging, introversion and unworthiness. None of the values that I aspire to live out for my Greater Purpose now.

Now, I focus on the values God calls me to live— Love, Health, Integrity, Empathy, Service to Others, and Obedience. I would describe my calling and my Greater Purpose by these words that guided me to in my Core Values Exercise. (click link to receive the Core Value Exercise)

 

4.

#4

 

Our life is meant to be lived and shared with others. Loving and serving others and caring about those around you, not just in the physical sense, but caring about their spiritual well being as well.

When I was in competition mode, I had no real time to think about other people. I could only muster the energy to make it through my 2-hour workouts and my 5-6 meals of protein and supplements and really had no time to fellowship with my friends, family or even strangers.

This was the part I hated the most and the part I cringe at when I see other friends competing. All I talked about with my friends was me, my diet, my workouts, how I’m feeling, what I need to work on still…… me me ME! I got so sick of talking about ME.

Now, when I’m on the phone with my health coaching clients, I get so much joy from hearing more about them. I find more purpose in listening than in speaking. While my Greater Purpose is also tesJames-1-192ting my own voice (both written and verbally), I am always reminded to be quick to listen and slow to speak. It is a challenge for me, but I value learning first, teaching second.

 

 

 

 

5.

#5

 

When God sets you on your path to your Greater Purpose you feel secure and so motivated in your daily life that it gives you such forbearance and patience to help propel you through the day. Although, you may not know where you path is leading tomorrow, you have a calm sense of knowing that what you’re doing is Right.

When I was in competition mode, I was impatient, irritable, and cranky with the slowness of life. I could not wait for each day to get over and I could not wait for the day of the show. This impatience certainly contributed to the more and more drastic actions I took to get me to the stage.

Now, while I can’t say I love being patient, I certainly have learned to appreciate it. Living in the present focuses my mind on my true motivation and what I should be doing. This activity naturally builds patience to result because I have less time to worry about what will be….I am swept up in the power of now.

 

6.

#6

 

God will reveal to you exactly the thing you should be working on and strengthening. He offers times of work and times of rest that allow a balanced approach to you life. Following His Greater Purpose path, you’ll find that as you rest some areas of your life for short periods, you can be engaging and growing other areas that will need tending to. Listening for His guidance allows you to live a balanced life.

When I was training, I was only focused on one thing—my body. I did not rest my body, nor did I have time to strengthen any other part of my life—like my mind or my spirit. My emotions were burnt out, and I felt off balance.

Now, I find time to work on all three areas of my life- Body, Mind and Soul. I’ll put “work” on my body (via exercise or by focusing intently on my diet) and then rest that stress. While Im resting my body, I find ways to engage my mind. To rest my mind, I find ways to open my spirit and surrender more. Once I feel spiritually restored, I can go back to putting work into my body! It all flows together in a balanced approach and balanced life.

Even though my life feels like a whirlwind of travel and being on the go, I feel much more “together” than I ever have before.

7.

#7

 

When you full embrace and Surrend’her to God’s path for you, you can fully realize and see that you have very little to do with how your life really plays out. You realize how small you are and how Great God is. Even in our inner strengths, character and values we have, God is responsible for this awareness and for these unique characteristics all coming together to create the masterpiece that you are.

When I was in competition mode, I put all the ownership on myself. That I was solely responsible for what I was able to achieve. It put a lot of pressure on myself and perfectionist way of thinking.

Now, I can live a life free from that burden because I realize and appreciate how much God really take care of. That I don’t need to take the ownership of every detail because He will do it in a better way than I could anyway.

Looking for the path of your Greater Purpose is a challenge and I hope you all can see you’re probably on the right path in some areas of your life, but may be holding on to other areas as your own.  I encourage you to take a deep look at ALL of your life and see if you have truly SURREND’hered it all or have held on to some pieces.  More will be revealed to me, I know.  I’ll be looking out…..

 

 

IMG_0555