work – A. Wright Fit

As I am in the business of helping others cultivate lasting change in their lives, I have written and truly believe that if we solely rely on will power to manifest any changes in our life, we soon recognize that our WILL POWER quickly becomes our WON’T POWER because we are relying on such small, finite power within ourselves.

To find our GREATER POWER we must seek and find our GOD POWER which is limitless and infinite. We find our GOD POWER when we engage and learn from a relationship with GOD and can focus and harness from His Spirit within us. He always provides what we need in that moment we need it.

I have learned this 1000-fold from first hand experience, but, God did not design us to have to learn everything from our own trials. God gives us each other to learn from too.

As I have built A. Wright Fit as a way to share my own faults and flaws in an effort to teach others as I “Find A Wright Fit” on my path to True (read: balanced) Health, I have found God has also provided me the gift of being on the receiving end of learning through other people’s lives as well.

Such is the case of a story I want to share with you today. I was talking with a new friend and new potential client we’ll call “K” about some recent exciting changes she’s been going through.

I first met K just a few months ago as she was beginning life under a new boss and an exciting new promotion at her big corporate job. She was so honored and encouraged by her upward movement with a company she loves. Now with her new job and new boss, she was working harder than she had ever worked before, but work that feels so rewarding.

But, in our last encounter, I saw a less enthusiastic K. The problem is that as she has been working her tail off, other people in her company, at her same level and position no less, are doing what many flawed people do best—lots of gossip, jealousy, disparaging and waiting for her to fail so they could be “right” about their cynicism.

She came to me needing to vent. “I feel so lucky and can’t believe it’s all happening and yet I am so overwhelmed by all this negativity and criticism around me. “They” are so mean and I am constantly thinking about what “they” are saying about me. I break down all the time.”

Then she said it…..

“I know I just need to be STRONGER…..”

Scrrrrrrrrrcccccch. (Record Stops) My ears perk up.

What K is experiencing is something I have experienced personally and what I see ALL THE TIME from friends, family and clients.

When we get so caught up worrying about the CIRCUMSTANCE and the NAYSAYERS, we fail to see the BIG PICTURE and the power we have in these very moments.

K has been looking at her situation as “luck” that she found herself under her new boss at work and up for a promotion. God sees this as His design for her, a step so worthy of her.
K thinks she needs more “strength” herself. God has been patiently waiting for her to finally use HIS power within her.
K thinks this is all about her “job” and being “strong enough.” God sees this as the prime opportunity to finally build the relationship He’s been seeking with her! This is one of just a million ways He’s been trying to get her attention.

K has been trying to face her problems at work with WILL POWER, but she has quickly realized that her new position alone is maxing out all the will power she has! New changes and our careers can quickly monopolize every ounce of will power we have.

And, just as I mentioned at the beginning, when we solely rely on will power, it quickly becomes WON’T POWER. It just won’t work for the long haul. We’ll be miserable!

Here’s the Problem with Will Power:

If she is maxing out all her will power just at her job, the other areas of her life—her health, her relationships, her Faith— are all going to suffer from not getting enough attention and balance.

She is seeing that she isn’t able to sustain the will power to do her job really well ANNNNNDD the will power to combat the naysayers. On top that, she also wants to date and find a healthy relationship and get married one day. On tippy top of that, she has also come to me expressing a real desire to getting healthier and less “skinny fat” as she puts it. 🙂

We all want it all right?! This IS what God wants for us too. But He wants us to do it His way, not our way.

So, as much as I love new clients, I told her honestly that I can see she’s not in a place where she can focus on health changes too as I right away recognized that her will power tank is running on empty. Adding more things on her “to do” list DOES NOT HELP when you are already feeling overwhelmed!

If K doesn’t find more POWER within her, she is going to continue to struggle at her new position and struggle with attempts to do all the other things she wants to do in life. Because, in all likelihood, the constant gossip, criticism and annoying comments aren’t going to go away….this is corporate America we’re talking about!

But, even if they do, other problems are just going to replace them until K learns the Greater Lesson she is meant to learn from God.

I wanted to share K’s story, not only because it was tremendously helpful and insightful for me to learn from but I also know that many of you have felt these exact sentiments and could empathize from your own circumstances.

Perhaps you are running on emotional “empty” as well? Perhaps you have maxed out all your will power to just one area of YOUR life and here has come another problem you can’t seem to handle?
Perhaps you too have dreams of having more to your life than just the _____________ (area) but can’t imagine how you’re going to find the will power, time OR the energy!?
Perhaps you have recently thought that exact same phrase as K and myself, “If I were just STRONGER…..”

Don’t. Fall. For. The Trap.

The devil with prey on our challenging circumstances and cause you to think of them as a “bad sign” or proof that you are indeed “unworthy” of the life you have dreamed for yourself. He’ll want to persuade you to give up and play small by focusing on all the wrong things.

But what you may be needing, just like K is needing, is not a newfound ANSWER but rather A NEW QUESTION.

You see, when you experience pain, when you are going through trouble and trauma and uncertain times, you must focus on the (W)RIGHT QUESTION to get the (W)RIGHT ANSWER (and then “You’ve Got the (W)Right stuff….baby”)

You've Got the Wright Stuff.... — Couldn’t resist…..

THE (W)RIGHT QUESTION:

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO LEARN HERE GOD?

I love what Rick Warren says about our problems. He says, “God is not interested in your circumstances as much as He is interested in your CHARACTER.”

In other words, what character values are you cultivating as you harness your energy for your problems? Where are you putting all of your hope and faith?

Is it in yourself and all that you are able to do (i.e. your WILL POWER)?

OR are you praying and seeking God’s power through God’s wisdom?

Refocusing your mind and thoughts on what GOD might be wanting you to learn through prayer and reading the Word of God, will provide you with the REAL answer and your GREATER POWER which is your GOD POWER.

Then you’ll find, even if your circumstances don’t change, your perspective of them will, and that will make ALL THE DIFFERENCE!

God allows everything to enter into our life to teach us and be used for Good by cultivating the necessary character changes you need. This includes bad decisions we make, bad things that other people say or do to us, and the havoc that the devil and evil will cause for us too. ALL can be made RIGHT with God and will serve our Greater Purpose.

So keep the Faith and keep asking God the (W)Right Question to get the (W)Right Answer! Remember, in order to HEAR God, you must spend time in PRAYER and in His WORD (i.e. reading the Bible) and it will be revealed!

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” (Romans 8:28 NLT)

Happy belated Mother’s Day to all Mothers, Step Mothers and Adopted Mothers and Grandmothers out there, too. I am blessed to witness some really incredible mom’s in my world. As I reached out to my Mom, Grandmother, Mother-in-Law, sisters, mother to my step daughter Eden, as well as all the friends I have that are also mothers, I wanted to be sure I fully expressed how much I love them, how in awe of them I am, and how great I think they are doing as a mom because I know, as a mom, you never think you are really doing “good enough.”

Indeed, from some of these moms, I did get an almost expected reply back to my praise and adoration, saying, “I fail a lot, but thank you!”

It’s such an honest response to how I know most mom’s feel.

I certainly feel like I “fail” a lot as a Step Mom and have intense feelings of guilt trying plague my mind and thoughts. It can feel defeating.

But, what does that word even mean? FAIL.

To me, this word doesn’t signify an indication of merely the result of an effort made, but is more of an indication of what the goal was to begin with!

If you have ever felt you have FAILED at something, it is likely because your GOAL in this particular area was to be PERFECT.

There are just certain areas of our life where we strive for PERFECTION.

Perfectionism has fooled our minds into thinking that:

There is such thing as perfection;

That we actually have ability to be perfect;

Anything short of perfection is failure.

But, what we may not realize is having a mindset geared toward PERFECTION is a design from God Himself.

“I have planted a longing for perfection in every human heart. This is a good desire, which I alone can fulfill.” —Sarah Young, Nearer to Jesus

But what goes wrong, is we try to fill our hearts with things that are imperfect (hint: anything that is not God is imperfect, so yes, even your children are an example of this). Those areas then become our IDOLS and we suffer more because of it. We burden ourselves with expectations that can never be met and our mindsets suffer from our inner Self Critic pointing out every “failure” along the way.

But there is a way to beat this! There is a way to feel successful, full and complete!

In this 2-Part Blog Series We’re Going to TACKLE this issue of our Mind:

Part 1: Expose our perfectionist thinking by identifying the Self Critic in your Mind

Part 2: Offer the Alternative Goal that will allow for more God, more Grace, and more “Success” (HINT: the key word is PROGRESS).

OUR SELF CRITIC SABOTEUR!

WHAT IS OUR SELF CRITIC?

Our inner Self Critic is that voice in our head that is always nagging on us and criticizing us. It is the voice in our head that tells us we are not “good enough.”

For simplicity sake, let’s be clear there are 3 facts about our Inner Self Critic:

Our Self Critic is NOT the voice of God telling you you’re not good enough.
Our Self Critic is NOT the “real us” even though it’s a voice that sounds like us.
Our Self Critic IS a scheme of the Devil himself.

The devil can be so good and so smart that he might have you convinced that this voice in your head is “just the way you are” or it is God who is ashamed of you, but that is simply not the truth.

Being aware of these facts is a source of empowerment.

Discerning this Self Critic voice from God’s voice and your TRUE self is the awareness that you need in order to move beyond the limitations it tries to set upon you.

CHARACTERIZING OUR SELF CRITIC?

I was first introduced to the term “Self Critic” from the book, Playing Big, by Tara Mohr.

She says, “All women grapple with this voice of self-doubt in one way or another. For some women, it is most prominent around their professional lives. For others, it comes up around their sense of competence as mothers or partners. For others, it speaks mostly about appearance, body image or aging.”

Preach, Tara, preach!

There she invited me to think of my Self Critic in some character format so I might see her as someone other than me. I loved the idea and encourage you to do the same!

I named my self critic “Emily” after the character played by Emily Blunt in the movie The Devil Wears Prada. She’s the “popular girl” type who thinks that no one is ever good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or skinny enough. Yeah, she sucks. (Not the real Emily Blunt, but the character she plays in my head.)

For some of you, your self critic is going to be an older woman/man of authority that barks down orders. For others, your inner self critic might actually take on the character of your mom or dad or another family member that you have historically never felt “good enough” for.

Whatever the voice is, it’s important to recognize it so you can distinguish it. You can then learn to live with it (because it may never go away) but also ignore it because you recognize this voice for what it is.

Recognize the common phrases your self critic might use. Tara Mohr says our self critics will often speak in extreme phrases so you’re either “awesome” or “pathetic”. It’s usually harsh, mean and rude. Fear based and mischievous. Tells you you’re “not ready yet” to embark on a dream. Irrational, persistent, and seemingly like a “broken record” that just plays and plays.

I know personally, I recognize my self critic when I walk by a mirror and I hear “Ugh.” It may take a while to fully acknowledge, but it’s really important to start to recognize the character and cues that our Self Critics will use.

THE AREAS OF FOCUS FOR OUR SELF CRITIC:

Our self critic (i.e. the devil) is incredibly smart and knows to prey on those very areas of our mind and hearts that are the most susceptible to sabotage. Our very weakest weaknesses.

In fact, once you think about it, your Self Critic seems to expand in areas on your life that you fall most prey to idolatry. Those areas that you have a tendency to put ahead of God.

Allow me to humbly admit the 3 top ares of my own demise and idolatry:

First in my RELATIONSHIPS, “Emily” likes to keep me worrying about what everyone is always thinking of me and keeps putting pressure on me to be a “perfect” wife, “perfect” friend, “perfect” step mom, “perfect” health coach and all that.

Then in my WORK, “Emily” has been especially hard driving on me lately to get more done and do everything all at once to make sure that my new business will succeed. She’s been basically yelling into my head with a megaphone on this one.

Then in my HEALTH, “Emily” has been historically a real b-word. She has yelled at me in my head to workout longer, eat more strict, and especially focused on my body’s flaws and how I just must not be “working hard enough” to see quicker changes!

I fully admit that in all the three areas, I wake up every day putting unrealistic pressures on myself to strive for a level of perfection that doesn’t exist.

Every. Day.

But, my power is is recognizing this voice and ignoring it.

THE ANTIDOTE TO OUR SELF CRITIC:

The other day I was listening to a Rick Warren podcast called “Daily Hope” (one I highly recommend for anyone looking for “quickie” Spiritual guidance!) where he mentioned that the antidote to FEAR is to FOCUS ON THE PRESENCE OF GOD.

That same focus applies to this Self Critic since the truth about these “perfectionist” thoughts is FEAR as well.

Transitioning our focus to the one thing that IS PERFECT is the perfect way to overcome this Self Critic voice from the devil.

Recognizing our weaknesses and imperfections and offering them up to God is the only way we can be made perfect in Him.

“But he said to me, ‘My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

We DO have the opportunity for perfection, but it is only found where God dwells in us. So if we seek God and connect with God, we find that perfection we long for.

The Devil will continue to try to tear that away and you will struggle every day, in many different ways, to keep that connection to Christ, but God knows that.

God knows that you have a heart that desires perfection, He created that so you would seek HIM more. This means not once, not twice, not 100 times, but every day, several times a day, you must seek God and find the fulfillment you need.

The more you practice this, the more God will relieve your worrisome mind and rest your fears that you are not “good enough” at motherhood, health, or whatever areas your tend to fret.

This awareness, has been incredibly powerful for me. I have been able to use this GodPower source and He has given me a new word and a new GOAL to strive for.

PROGRESS!

Part II of this series will cover how you too can transition your areas of “Perfectionist” thinking in your pursuits for health and use instead a goal of PROGRESS to keep you motivated and find success and satisfaction!

“I know I just need to be STRONGER…..”

Here’s the Problem with Will Power:

Don’t. Fall. For. The Trap.

THE (W)RIGHT QUESTION:

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO LEARN HERE GOD?

Then you’ll find, even if your circumstances don’t change, your perspective of them will, and that will make ALL THE DIFFERENCE!

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” (Romans 8:28 NLT)

Perfectionism has fooled our minds into thinking that:

There is such thing as perfection;

That we actually have ability to be perfect;

Anything short of perfection is failure.