So “Emily (Blunt)” is the character in my mind that plays the role of my Inner Critic. She’s the hard-driving, perfectionist seeking, real b-word in my head that likes to point out all my weaknesses and tell me how I’m failing at things.

I introduced her to you in my last blog that talked more about our recognizing our Inner Self Critics, why we have those voices in our head to begin with, and how to refocus our mind to the only thing that IS perfect in our life (those areas where God dwells). If you missed it, check it out HERE.

In today’s blog, I want to cover how to adjust your goals and expectations of PERFECTION to a new word that will have much more POWER and much more SUCCESS.

—>PROGRESS.

In spite of all this chitter chatter of the “Emily” trying to manipulate my thoughts, I have to say that I have been able to muzzle her voice from my head with greater and greater success in the last several months!

To quiet her barking in my mind, I’ve just had to utter one phrase inside my head and she shuts up.

“Progress is Progress.”

PROGRESS is the new PERFECT. And I have developed a true sense of empowerment and motivation in life when I look for and see the ways that I am PROGRESSING instead of only focusing on the ways that I’m not yet perfect.

But you might be wondering – How do I make progress? In order to make progress, you must be proactive in reaching your goals. For example, if you want to lose some of your body fat, you know that what you’re doing currently isn’t working so you need to change something in order to see the progress you want. This could be something as simple as Googling “is DIY cryolipolysis effective” and taking steps to implement it, or it could be as major as totally changing your diet. It doesn’t matter what it is – your goals will be met no matter how slow you go.

As we all know, I am a big-time believer in writing and setting goals (hence why I wrote an ebook on the 7-Steps To SURREND’hered Goal Development which you can download free right HERE).

Often times however, it is in these very goals that I have so diligently planned out that I start to hear more of “Emily” in my head trying to measure me up to my perfectionist areas.

Let’s take one small, silly example to illustrate:

I made a small goal to be able to improve my time in running the 1.5 mile jog that I try to do as a warm-up in my workouts. Now mind you, there is no real reason why I think I need to improve my time in this effort nor any magic in running 1.5 miles, but it really is just a distance that I thought was a good amount of time and I like to created the mini goal to just push me a little harder!

So, anyway, this week, I was able to do the run 3x in my workouts. BUT, I wasn’t able to improve my time in the last run that I did this week because I was feeling a bit more sore and needed to go slower to start.

You all probably understand that this is really not a big deal. Not life or death. But the EMILY in me, wants to really put me down about it. She wanted me to push through the soreness and just “work harder” and “go faster.”

But, I shut her up. Why? Because….

Progress is Progress.

The fact is that I did this run 3x this week whereas last week I only did it 1x! So I made PROGRESS!!

The progress is what I need to focus on, not the “lack.”

While this kind of example illustrates a small disappointment I experienced this week and may not seem like too big of a deal on it’s own, the truth is our small disappointments build-up over time and can destroy our resolve.

If I let my mind continue to be unnecessarily disappointed in myself for the small stuff, it’s for sure going to be majorly affected for the big stuff. I have to rewire my thinking in small ways if I want to prepare myself to do the same in BIG ways.

Progress doesn’t have to be measured results either! Progress might be that you have mentally shifted away from past destructive behavior. That you are being more gracious, loving, and gentle with yourself. That too is making progress and should be acknowledged!

Let’s take another, more serious example:

Say you want to lose a fairly significant amount of weight (20-30lbs) and you know how hard it is to lose fat when you drink alcohol, but you have a real taste for wine and drink a glass or two 3x per week.

But because you want and need to lose this weight so bad, you set out to give up your wine for 30 days.

One week in, you have an especially stressful day and everything seems to have gone wrong and before you know it, that bottle of wine is opened and you’ve finished it off! Ugh!

So here you are, set-up with a prime opportunity for your own Self Critic to lay into you about how you blew it and probably some bit about how you’re never going to be able to do this and it’s too hard and you might as well quit!

AmIRight??

Luckily for us, we have this new slap in the face to offer our dear Self Critic. We say to her…

“Progress is Progress“!

Because the reality is, you used to drink 3x/week, and then this week you only drank 1x/week!

That, is the proper focus and that is the reality of how changes happen!

REAL, long lasting change usually happens step-by-step, not mile by mile.

REAL, long lasting change modifies your current bad habits just enough to make them better habits.

REAL, long lasting change is gradual and purposeful, not sweeping and bipolar.

THE REAL WAY YOU MAKE SIGNIFICANT CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE IS TO FOCUS ON MAKING PROGRESS!

Want to improve in this? I have you covered in just 3 steps!

3 Ways to Put the PRO is PROGRESS:

1. PRO-gram your MIND:

You must learn to mentally shift your mind away from your disappointment in yourself or thinking you’ve “failed” at something and instead see the PROGRESS you’ve made. The easiest way to do this is to verbally (or mentally) affirm it! Anytime you hear your Inner Critic barking at you from within, stop yourself and say “Progress is Progress” and look for the way that you did make progress in your effort.

Repeating things like sayings and affirmations actually reprograms your subconscious mind to believe what you are saying. The more often you say something, the more it becomes true for you and the more you start to live it.

2. PRO-fess the next PROgression:

Once you have acknowledged and recognized the progress you’ve made so far, you want to PRO-fess and decide what the next step or “mini goal” of progress is going to be! There is no time table or pressure to always do more and more, but it also is good to keep progressing! We must always keep learning!

We can and should feel great about only drinking 1x per week when we used to drink 3x per week, but we don’t want to stop short of our real goal and real capability either! We don’t want to be complacent with our efforts and fool ourselves into thinking our half-hearted attempts are “good enough” especially when we know we CAN do more.

So take a minute to mentally, verbally, or in writing decide your next level of progress you wish to make in this goal. Give yourself a *realistic* deadline to make it really stick!

3. PRO-vide the Example for others!

As you start to put less pressure on yourself to be “perfect” you will find that you can start putting less pressure on others to be perfect too. PRO-viding the example for them by acknowledging their progress will be a service you can provide to others that will also come back to you.

After all, you don’t want to be one of those people’s that gives yourself Grace but holds others to some standard of perfection they can’t reach!

Overall, I view my relationship with my Self Critic, “Emily Blunt” in my head as a pretty great thing. Recnognizing her comments now, almost laughing at how ridiculous and obsessive she sounds, and taking steps toward God and toward a life seeking PROGRESS in becoming STRONG’her, WISE’her and live SURREND’hered is truly what makes me EMPOW’hered.

Here’s to us, with the crazies in our head! Moving on….

Happy belated Mother’s Day to all Mothers, Step Mothers and Adopted Mothers and Grandmothers out there, too. I am blessed to witness some really incredible mom’s in my world. As I reached out to my Mom, Grandmother, Mother-in-Law, sisters, mother to my step daughter Eden, as well as all the friends I have that are also mothers, I wanted to be sure I fully expressed how much I love them, how in awe of them I am, and how great I think they are doing as a mom because I know, as a mom, you never think you are really doing “good enough.”

Indeed, from some of these moms, I did get an almost expected reply back to my praise and adoration, saying, “I fail a lot, but thank you!”

It’s such an honest response to how I know most mom’s feel.

I certainly feel like I “fail” a lot as a Step Mom and have intense feelings of guilt trying plague my mind and thoughts. It can feel defeating.

But, what does that word even mean? FAIL.

To me, this word doesn’t signify an indication of merely the result of an effort made, but is more of an indication of what the goal was to begin with!

If you have ever felt you have FAILED at something, it is likely because your GOAL in this particular area was to be PERFECT.

There are just certain areas of our life where we strive for PERFECTION.

Perfectionism has fooled our minds into thinking that:

There is such thing as perfection;

That we actually have ability to be perfect;

Anything short of perfection is failure.

But, what we may not realize is having a mindset geared toward PERFECTION is a design from God Himself.

“I have planted a longing for perfection in every human heart. This is a good desire, which I alone can fulfill.” —Sarah Young, Nearer to Jesus

But what goes wrong, is we try to fill our hearts with things that are imperfect (hint: anything that is not God is imperfect, so yes, even your children are an example of this). Those areas then become our IDOLS and we suffer more because of it. We burden ourselves with expectations that can never be met and our mindsets suffer from our inner Self Critic pointing out every “failure” along the way.

But there is a way to beat this! There is a way to feel successful, full and complete!

In this 2-Part Blog Series We’re Going to TACKLE this issue of our Mind:

Part 1: Expose our perfectionist thinking by identifying the Self Critic in your Mind

Part 2: Offer the Alternative Goal that will allow for more God, more Grace, and more “Success” (HINT: the key word is PROGRESS).

OUR SELF CRITIC SABOTEUR!

WHAT IS OUR SELF CRITIC?

Our inner Self Critic is that voice in our head that is always nagging on us and criticizing us. It is the voice in our head that tells us we are not “good enough.”

For simplicity sake, let’s be clear there are 3 facts about our Inner Self Critic:

Our Self Critic is NOT the voice of God telling you you’re not good enough.
Our Self Critic is NOT the “real us” even though it’s a voice that sounds like us.
Our Self Critic IS a scheme of the Devil himself.

The devil can be so good and so smart that he might have you convinced that this voice in your head is “just the way you are” or it is God who is ashamed of you, but that is simply not the truth.

Being aware of these facts is a source of empowerment.

Discerning this Self Critic voice from God’s voice and your TRUE self is the awareness that you need in order to move beyond the limitations it tries to set upon you.

CHARACTERIZING OUR SELF CRITIC?

I was first introduced to the term “Self Critic” from the book, Playing Big, by Tara Mohr.

She says, “All women grapple with this voice of self-doubt in one way or another. For some women, it is most prominent around their professional lives. For others, it comes up around their sense of competence as mothers or partners. For others, it speaks mostly about appearance, body image or aging.”

Preach, Tara, preach!

There she invited me to think of my Self Critic in some character format so I might see her as someone other than me. I loved the idea and encourage you to do the same!

I named my self critic “Emily” after the character played by Emily Blunt in the movie The Devil Wears Prada. She’s the “popular girl” type who thinks that no one is ever good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or skinny enough. Yeah, she sucks. (Not the real Emily Blunt, but the character she plays in my head.)

For some of you, your self critic is going to be an older woman/man of authority that barks down orders. For others, your inner self critic might actually take on the character of your mom or dad or another family member that you have historically never felt “good enough” for.

Whatever the voice is, it’s important to recognize it so you can distinguish it. You can then learn to live with it (because it may never go away) but also ignore it because you recognize this voice for what it is.

Recognize the common phrases your self critic might use. Tara Mohr says our self critics will often speak in extreme phrases so you’re either “awesome” or “pathetic”. It’s usually harsh, mean and rude. Fear based and mischievous. Tells you you’re “not ready yet” to embark on a dream. Irrational, persistent, and seemingly like a “broken record” that just plays and plays.

I know personally, I recognize my self critic when I walk by a mirror and I hear “Ugh.” It may take a while to fully acknowledge, but it’s really important to start to recognize the character and cues that our Self Critics will use.

THE AREAS OF FOCUS FOR OUR SELF CRITIC:

Our self critic (i.e. the devil) is incredibly smart and knows to prey on those very areas of our mind and hearts that are the most susceptible to sabotage. Our very weakest weaknesses.

In fact, once you think about it, your Self Critic seems to expand in areas on your life that you fall most prey to idolatry. Those areas that you have a tendency to put ahead of God.

Allow me to humbly admit the 3 top ares of my own demise and idolatry:

First in my RELATIONSHIPS, “Emily” likes to keep me worrying about what everyone is always thinking of me and keeps putting pressure on me to be a “perfect” wife, “perfect” friend, “perfect” step mom, “perfect” health coach and all that.

Then in my WORK, “Emily” has been especially hard driving on me lately to get more done and do everything all at once to make sure that my new business will succeed. She’s been basically yelling into my head with a megaphone on this one.

Then in my HEALTH, “Emily” has been historically a real b-word. She has yelled at me in my head to workout longer, eat more strict, and especially focused on my body’s flaws and how I just must not be “working hard enough” to see quicker changes!

I fully admit that in all the three areas, I wake up every day putting unrealistic pressures on myself to strive for a level of perfection that doesn’t exist.

Every. Day.

But, my power is is recognizing this voice and ignoring it.

THE ANTIDOTE TO OUR SELF CRITIC:

The other day I was listening to a Rick Warren podcast called “Daily Hope” (one I highly recommend for anyone looking for “quickie” Spiritual guidance!) where he mentioned that the antidote to FEAR is to FOCUS ON THE PRESENCE OF GOD.

That same focus applies to this Self Critic since the truth about these “perfectionist” thoughts is FEAR as well.

Transitioning our focus to the one thing that IS PERFECT is the perfect way to overcome this Self Critic voice from the devil.

Recognizing our weaknesses and imperfections and offering them up to God is the only way we can be made perfect in Him.

“But he said to me, ‘My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

We DO have the opportunity for perfection, but it is only found where God dwells in us. So if we seek God and connect with God, we find that perfection we long for.

The Devil will continue to try to tear that away and you will struggle every day, in many different ways, to keep that connection to Christ, but God knows that.

God knows that you have a heart that desires perfection, He created that so you would seek HIM more. This means not once, not twice, not 100 times, but every day, several times a day, you must seek God and find the fulfillment you need.

The more you practice this, the more God will relieve your worrisome mind and rest your fears that you are not “good enough” at motherhood, health, or whatever areas your tend to fret.

This awareness, has been incredibly powerful for me. I have been able to use this GodPower source and He has given me a new word and a new GOAL to strive for.

PROGRESS!

Part II of this series will cover how you too can transition your areas of “Perfectionist” thinking in your pursuits for health and use instead a goal of PROGRESS to keep you motivated and find success and satisfaction!