For those that follow me on social media, you may be aware that I have just returned from a 7-day trip to Israel, accompanying my husband for work and enjoying as many sites of the Holy Land that I could muster. What a country! I fully expected to take my Spiritual life to the next level with the trek back to our Faith roots, but I was certainly surprised by what I experienced instead.

I have had so many of my friends and family write and ask if I felt so much “closer to God” or if I am experiencing "greater amounts of peace" having witnessed these areas that are so rich in the Jewish history of the Old Testament and the sites of Jesus miracles in the Gospels?

Surprisingly, my honest answer throughout last week was “No.”

I know this might severely surprise you, heck, it obviously surprised me. But upon further reflection, I think I understand why I didn’t have greater peace or feel such a surge in Faith even though I was in God’s “Promised Land.”

I have 3 reasons to share, along with some pictures of course, and what I’m most thankful for in this experience! (see below)

#1. Obvious Travel Repercussions And My Daniel Fast Distractions:

One reason I felt off was because this trip was the second part of a two-week journey for us and time change is always a hard adjustment. You feel off, your body hurts from such a long plane ride, and for me, my senses were heightened while visiting a historically war-torn area. This is all very distracting.

On top of that, I decided during this trip that I wanted to do a Daniel Fast. I am going to do a separate email about this because I have been studying the Daniel Fast and have decided to incorporate it into a 6-week small-group nutrition course for the New Year (which I’ll be inviting you to join!). The Daniel Fast has you cut out caffeine, sugar, all non-water drinks, animal products, fried foods etc. So, needless to say, after a week in New York city on a coffee, wine and chocolate bender, my body was in a major detox when I cut these things away. The results of this Daniel Fast were TRULY INCREDIBLE, and I can’t wait to share more, but yes, all of these affects can definitely distracted me from emotionally connecting more.

#2. Jesus Got Real and It Spurred Some Questions

Here is where I had to sit and process so much that I witnessed. For example, on a 1-day bus tour while my husband had meetings all day, I was able to tour the town of Nazareth (where Jesus was raised and Mary and Joseph were from), visit the small fisherman town of Capernaum (where the Apostle Peter lived), and the lake right next to it called the “Sea of Galilee” (where Jesus and Peter both walked on water and many of Jesus miracles were done)! We also visited the town where Jesus turned the water into wine and the site, Tabgha where they believed He delivered the Sermon on the Mount, and the Jordan River (where Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist...and so was I!).

While these old sites are true treasures to behold, you can’t help but question —did this REALLY happen? I mean, I went down to the Sea of Galilee and touched the water that Jesus walked on and sure enough, it was just water (you can see it above).

It's hard to explain fully, but you know the feeling you have when you read a book and you love it so much, but then you go and see the movie about it and they completely changed the mental image you had in your mind?

Well, it’s kind of like that.

We can all agree that the miracles of the Bible can almost read like a fairytale. And seeing some rundown desert towns is just truly hard to believe that Jesus did these amazing miracles. I had a hard time taking it all in.

#3. Religious Pomp and Circumstance is Overwhelming

The city of Jerusalem is fascinating. Simply MESMERIZING. I was confronted with my own ignorance of the significance of this Holy City and how meaningful it is to such widely varying belief systems of 3 major religions. For those that may also be unaware, allow me to share just a few facts.

The “Old City” of Jerusalem is an ancient walled city that is only about 1 Cubic KM that houses about 40,000 people. There are 4 quarters of these walls: the Christian Quarter, the Armenian Quarter (also Christian), the Muslim Quarter, and of course, the Jewish Quarter.

I hadn’t fully realized, but thanks to an amazing tour guide Itay, this site is the physical location for the most important acts of these most popular faiths in the world.

For the Jews, the town of Jerusalem represents the areas where the first temple was built for God. It was built by King Solomon (about 800 years BCE), who was the son of the beloved King David. In ancient Hebrew times you could only access God in the Temple. There are many purification and sacrificial rituals you had to participate in for entry, but the “ark of the covenant” (which is believed to be the tablets of the 10 commandments) is the physical place that God dwelled. So while the temple had been destroyed by the Babylonians and rebuilt and re-destroyed in many wars since then, the Jewish faith still prays to the area that the old temple was located, which is on the other side of this “Western Wall.” (See my pics of the Western prayer Wall below).

Coincidentally, the Muslim faith revolves around that exact same location. It is believed that Muhammad was transported from Mecca to the Dome of the Rock (which the Jewish/Christian faith also believe is the place where Abraham went to sacrifice Isaac) where he then composed the 5 Pillars of Islam before ascending into heaven. All this happened around 632 AD (so about 700 years after Christ). The Muslim faith therefore has a lockdown on this territory as well and it is the main reason there are so many wars between Israel and Palestine/Muslim countries. In fact, whenever the Muslim faith prays (5x a day) they pray toward Jerusalem and this location. It’s highly significant.

Then, for us Christians, this whole city is significant because it is where Jesus came during Passover, was persecuted, crucified, buried and then rose from the grave 3 days later. I went through about half of the 14 "Stations of the Cross” and was able to see the area where they believe the cross was hung (now a Roman Catholic and Greek Orthodox shared church), the stone they washed Jesus crucified body, and even the area they believe the tomb was.

So all this to say, while it is breathtaking, and SO amazing to see all of these locations, the religiosity of it all really overwhelmed me.

Even in the Christian quarters, I was not raised Catholic or Greek Orthodox, so the religious traditions of these two denominations is quite a lot to take in.

I did have the privilege of fighting the crowds to touch some of these (let’s face it “alleged”) spots where such significant acts took place, but I couldn’t help but wonder if all of those crowds around me were worshipping God, or worshipping these artifacts?

These thoughts were distracting to my intention of focusing on the presence of God. Chaos has a way of doing that, of course, which is why we saw in the Bible that Jesus often had to get away alone and in solitude to stay in the Spirit.

Overall, I believe that was my biggest lesson and takeaway.

I learned a SO MUCH in these 7-days that I will never, ever forget. And God willing, I will get to go back again with even greater knowledge of the history and diversity involved. This trip has truly made the Bible come alive in my mind and that is powerful!

As I have come home, I have come home truly changed by this experience. It is impossible to put into words how grateful I am that I can feel God just as much in my living temple (a.k.a. my body) than I do when I’m in His Holy Land.

He is there, there is absolutely no doubt about that. But He is in ME TOO. He is in ALL of us who have received Him.

The thing I am most grateful for is having seen the desperate, legalistic, and oppressive behavior that the Legalistic version of religion can be for thousands and thousands of people, I know now more than ever, that God, who from a place of perfect love, sent us His Son for a BIG PURPOSE and that purpose is to save us from our own tyranny of trying to save ourselves by religious rigmarole.

While I fully participated in every act of prayer and religious tradition I saw, I know that my life glorifies God the MOST when I am FREE to live a life of servanthood, love-based actions, quiet times of prayer, and in sowing Goodness in everything and everyone around me.

I thank God that He loved me enough to send His Son to offer me a way to focus on THAT RELATIONSHIP that empowers me for Good, more than I have to focus on RULES that keep me enslaved to a system.

“Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” Brene Brown, Daring Greatly

Maybe it’s the fact that I just got done doing a solid 40-minute car dance session to an array of hip-hop songs, full of all the cuss words, that would make any conservative Christian shake their head….

Or, it’s the fact that news just hit about the Federal decision regarding the Equality Marriage Act and I feel a sense of happiness, not despair, as I think about my gay friends and family members…

Or, it’s the numerous other ways that I know I fail to “play the role” of the Christian person I know society might want me to play.

I struggle with feeling like I have “closet” behaviors and feelings that I’m “not supposed” to talk about or show because I’m a Christian and I am fearful of judgement. This feeling has popped-up several times in the last couple of weeks, so much so, that I know I need to address it.

But I want to be clear, I am not just making this statement because of the political changes that our nation is facing. I have to be honest and let you know that I am grossly unaware of the politics taking place and don’t have not solid intellectual basis to start making sound judgements or stating opinions, so I’m not going to here.

This is not because I don’t care about politics or policy, but it’s because there is too much darkness involved in politics and the media that covers it. As I started writing and investing in Spiritual growth, I made the conscious decision to cut out all things that do not help me shine my light brighter. News, politics, and all nonsense media and TV cast too large of a dark shadow in my Mind and Spirit and I better serve focusing on what is RIGHT with the world, not always what is wrong. It makes me naive in the best possible way and I’m ok with that.

I do know that a lot of these changes have fellow Christians in an uproar and seems to be causing another great divide among our nation… not that it’s anything new. But I want to address this reaction not only for a “gut check” for my fellow Christians, but also for my NON Christian friends who might think that all Christians think alike.

The rampant sin that I see causing so much anguish and division not only around the world, but in MY VERY heart is what’s called “CA” or “Christian Arrogance.” This is also known as the sin of being Self-Righteous.

I want to own up to the fact that just because I am a Christian, it does not mean that I don’t have sin. In fact, I think it means that I am more susceptible to the “sneaky sins” that wreck havoc on my soul but I choose not to see because it’s not “as bad” as some of the other “bigger sins” out there in the world.

But we must remember—-A sin is a sin is a sin.

So being self righteous is just as sinful as committing murder in the eyes of God. We must never forget that and never stop searching our hearts for our own destruction.

So here I go, me first.

MY SELF-RIGHTEOUS TENDENCIES:

When I was deciding to start my “Finding A. Wright Fit” blog this year, I was really conflicted and very fearful about being completely open and honest about my Christian Faith as I was trying to share my light and teach on Health for your Mind, Body and Soul.

I hated the idea of being secluded to a “Christian Box” that would invite in opportunity of judgement from both Non-Christians and Christians alike.

I was fearful that any Non-Christian would resent my use of the “J” word (i.e. Jesus) because clearly not all people in this world know and believe that Jesus is the Messiah. It would automatically ostracize anyone that did not share my belief and I did not want to eliminate the opportunity to impact those people’s lives that I truly want to reach the most.

BUT, even more so, I was fearful that all of potential CHRISTIAN readers would equally judge me based on my writing and would be checking to see that what I wrote and taught was “in line” with the Bible. I didn’t really feel “qualified” to Spiritually teach because I don’t know the Bible in-and-out despite having grown up going to church my whole life. My lack of theological knowledge made me insecure.

As you might know, I chose to boldly stepped over both of these fears and decided I must write in my authentic voice which will showcase my true faith that includes the fact that Jesus is my Lord and Savior and I am nothing without Him. There is really no other way to talk about my Spirit of my health if He’s not included in it. Period.

Nevertheless, it was the FEARS I had that left me puzzled because I have actually never been persecuted for my Faith– so why should I have such fears or persecution?

It is partly that I have seen it in our culture, sure. I have witnessed Christians slandering one another when stating opinions about secular issues. I do see it on TV and see it on social media a lot.

But, I have to be honest and tell you I don’t think those reasons was the real cause to why I was so fearful of this potential judgement from Christians and non-Christians alike.

The reason why I think I was fearful about receiving judgement is because I AM JUDGMENTAL.

I fear things will be done to me that I secretly do to others….

When the Bible says, “Do not judge or you too will be judged” (Matt 7:1) this does not just refer to the fact that we will all be judged one day by God in Heaven, but I also think it means that when we put out judgement into the world, the world give us judgement right back.

Some call this the mirror effect or even karma, but I liken it best to the Newtons 3rd Law of Motion— for every action, there is an EQUAL and opposite reaction.

Not only can we see that this response occurs from our actions, but I also see that it creates the FEAR that it will happen, causing even more mental anguish.

For example, we judge others bodies as we walk down the street, so we FEAR others judge our body as we walk down the street. This in turn causes us to act in insecure ways and worry too much about what we wear and how we look, becoming overly self-involved.
We judge others for their “lack of faith” so we FEAR they will judge us too for our own faith. This in turn, causes actions of overcompensation and defensive behavior. We cast out judgements and point fingers.

POLARIZED INNER LIFE:

The truth is….

…as a Trainer and Nutritionist the more I read and learn, the more I am humbled to realize how much I don’t know. Even though I have a SOLID base for what has worked (and more often not worked) , I really have no authority to tell someone else what will or won’t work for them. I can really only coach them and help guide them to discover more for themselves.

Just the same, as a Christian and Spiritually minded person, the more I read the Bible, the more I see how very sinful I am! The more I see the areas that I must fix and address. So often the Spiritual advice I give my clients is the very advice I need to hear myself. I have no real “authority” of how to cultivate a relationship with God in your life, I can only do my best to guide you to God yourself.

But while I can write all of these things to you now and know they are true from my heart, I would be a liar if I didn’t also tell you that the opposite thoughts can just as easily control my mind and how I act.

There is this “self righteous” tendency, my EGO, that wants to also tell you, “Well, I’ve done all this research and read the Bible verse that says “_____,” and this clearly makes me more of an expert than you are, so listen to my opinion and follow my instructions!”

I do it all the time.

I have secret Christian Arrogance when I hope my husband doesn’t hang out with his atheist friends who I think might be “bad influences”; when I secretly judge the more “strict” religious people I know for being “too extreme”; when I use a Bible verse to help make a point of what someone “should not do” but coolly ignore the Bible for all the verses that point out all my sins; every time I gossip about someone; every time I am overbearing and demanding; every time I shift the blame of my problems to someone else…etc etc etc!!

THIS is what we will often see from my fellow Christians in a response to some of the social changes that take place as they try to use the Bible as ammunition.

If we want to use the Bible (which I DO wholeheartedly believe IS the Truth and the Word of God that all who follow Him must honor and follow as uncomfortable as it may be) then we must use ALL of the Bible. Not just those verses that help us to judge others for their “sinful” actions.

Paul writes to the Christian Romans, “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgement on someone else, for whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgement do the same things.” (Romans 2:1)

That’s the thing that Christians need to start owning:

We need to stop expecting Non-Christians to act like Christians—they DO have an excuse to be sinful because they are not saved and really don’t know any better.
We need to own the fact that because we are saved, then we DON’T have an excuse for sin, because we actually know better.

Yes, we do want non-believers to become believers that is our great purpose and calling in this world. But, I don’t think pointing out ALL the things “they” are doing wrong is going to do it. When was the last time that worked for you?

THE ANSWER TO OUR OWN CHRISTIAN ARROGANCE:

We just work from WITHIN.

We must “take up our cross” and bear the weight of the sneaky sins that we often overlook as we point out the “greater sins” we see in the world around us.

If we want to see change in the world, we really must BE the change ourselves but not just “any change”…we must change for GOOD.

We must show humility, gentleness and above all LOVE.

This is what it means to be Christ-like….not just “Christian” from the religious perspective.

Our hope and salvation must rest wholly on HIM. Not on our laws, not on our Pastors, not on our Politicians, not on each other…. but on GOD alone and the salvation He gave us when He sent His son to show us the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6) and die for our sins so we might be saved.

If we are to follow Christ, we must take up our cross and bear it before others to show what it means to be a true disciple. It’s hard and it sucks, but this is what Faith is and living in Faith is always worth it. This is how we will live a blessed life full of fruit.

In closing, here is my prayer for this article and what it might stir inside you:

I hope it simply makes you think less about “what’s wrong with the world” and more on “what’s wrong with me.” If you focus on our own sin first, the world will be better off. You can bet that this will take you anywhere from 23.5 to about 24 hours a day. So go ahead an get going on that….you’re a little behind. 🙂
If you happen to be one of my friends that does not share in my beliefs and have expressed resentment toward the judgement or pushiness you have received from perhaps me or other religious people in your past, please accept this article as an apology on behalf of all of us that have screwed it up and made you feel this way. We were being self-righteous jerks.Not one of us can know what you are going through, how you were born, the circumstances you have faced and therefore “what you should do with your life.” But I love you and care about you and I want you to feel nothing but love, acceptance and joy for the rest of your life. Should you ever want to explore what a relationship with God that I have Faith will give you that kind of life, I will always be here to encourage you and show you how you can seek that for yourself. But if you don’t, I love you just the same, no matter what life you live.

If I may, I want to end in the same way that the well-known philosopher and theologian, G. K. Chesterton chose to answer the question posed by a London Times editorial years ago when asked,

“What’s wrong with the world?”

My answer: I am.

Holy Surprises in the Holy Land